Today I realized I smoke a cig every time I think about smoking weed

I don't even think about

the smoking the weed

I just think about what I used to feel

then I feel anxious

it feels like I can't breathe because i'm so excited to smoke weed

then I smoke a cig and i'm good for an hour or so

taking a few months break from ff11

was fun getting to play as an elvaan for half a month

there's just too little to do in game to justify playing the 28$ a month

the working for gil then risking making none and wasting time

the taking time to sell stuff to make gil for gear upgrades

the waiting all day for a cp/ep pt and only pting for an hour or so

it's just not worth it and all feels like a waste

I can sit in a dark apartment and feel like i'm doing just as much

It is tuesday

I don't have anything on monday

I pay rent on first and already have my rent money

I need to cancel my internet account the price went up from 30$ to 45$ to 70$

and I don't want to spend 70$ a month on internet

when I can pay 30$ for my phone and can pay 60$ on my phone for unlimited hotspot/internet + some other free stuff like disney+ while it lasts

my next am class is on the 9th and my next visit is on the 9th

I have to pay my fees before the 10th 

so I could do that on the 9th

but i'll probably go to cs and pay early

probably wednesday and thursday

I'm happy with doing bare minimum(3 times a month)

I could try to get it all done quick I just don't want to be that tired honestly maybe when I get closer to finishing

I've only gone 3 times I need to go like 32 more times lol

But I have 12 months total and it's only 3 times a month

I have all my money together to pay for probation fees

50 court

80 probation

100 am class

then I get paid on thursday and that's all going towards phone

as long as I can get internet canceled before then I really don't want to pay internet anymore

so when I get to that i'm just saying I can't afford it anymore which is very true

once I get am paid off

all my extra money goes towards court cost

zero chance of me smoking or drinking

I'm happy without that right now and feel strongly that i can make it the entire time

such a weird requirement but it is what it is

runing some number crunching

if I get 300$ a month

80 goes to probation, that's 220 to spend

900 left on court that's 220 220 440(2)880(4) then 5 1100

around 5 months that'll be nice

get court paid off as quickly as possible, even at 5 months that's not bad at all

basically want to get the am class paid off asap then the court cost paid of asap

then all I have left is:

monthly visit

home visit

and probation fee(80$ a month)

that'll leave me with like 220 a month after the 5 months

then I start saving all that for the probation fees

basically want to have 2k stashed where I can always pay a few months ahead

I'm very happy how this probation is going

I know I am going to make it at this point

nothing can stop me

I have no friend no enemies

all I do is sleep and work

I make enough money to pay for everything

i'm excited to get it done

I know what I did vs what I have had to do is well worth it

I wanted a restraining order and they tell me every visit I can't talk to the person I did it to

and he can't talk to me

so all my problems instantly went away

finish paying for am happens june

finish paying court happens november

december starts the just paying probation

still 3 times a month for the first year for cs

just drilling all this so I can run and get it all done

1 month done 23 months to go

each month is just a visit a home visit paying fee and that's it staying clean that's it

I'm 31 i'll be 33

every day is a step closer

I want to smoke but I can wait the time to get back to smoke

cigs gonna hold me over

so weird I can smoke cigs but not store bought weed lol so so strange

but I've got a positive outlook and i'm ready to do whatever to get it done without the weed until i'm done