Rehearsal for mhmr

So I feel like all the oxygen is being sucked out of the room

That's when I smoke

But if I don't I feel like I'm rotting decomposing spoiling starving and I show signs of it too like hair not growing correctly or teeth rotting

And I can try to eat or take a shower but then I either get fat and spoil or I run up the water bill

It's obvious the injection helps

But I still have to smoke to feel okay every single day

I had no problem smoking marijuana obviously I can't not

And I'm starting to feel the negative effects of smoking cigarettes 

I want to stop

But I don't think I can with what I explained 

And I've been told to call people

And I have I've even gone to the ER because of it to try to get help

When I call someone it helps for about 15 mins then I feel stupid for calling because I'm right back at it

When I go to the ER the most theyve done is give me an IV bag and that helped but I can't do that every time

A part of me thinks of I get back on Cialis but even when I was on it I still went through this just not as often

I don't know what to do

Drinking beer helps but I'm not going to be able to do that much longer when I get on probation 

My cats help the most but again it still happens every single day