it's like I want him to not get caught doing a crime or some charge I don't know the exact definition of

just because that's the way this "Superbowl" of a game has gone on for so long

if he gets a charge that places me as one of his victims

does my charge go away or get reconsidered with the new found information

i've been feeling like this more and more lately over the past few days

that I should seriously go after some compensation from all of this

the worst part is I was pro texas the entire time before this

and if I do seek compensation to make things right

I don't think I can be pro texas much

I feel if you got 40 people in a room and explained the entire story 40 people would vote yay for compensation

just the other day I saw a man whos arrest I watched got over 1m

now I didn't get tased

but I sure have had a massive decline in health

coupled with a crippling heartache

all I complained about to my psychiatrist for 5 years was heartache and anger towards the man I defended myself against for being able to do it all and get away which i'm sure is clear in her notes

which of course leads back to the group that goes to court before my court and gets to put weird invisible barriers in place

like being murdered if they don't comply and being killed already and all the supporting data is from people that have been murdered already and everyone else has no say their hands tied just doing what the system says that's all set in place by the first people I mentioned that go to court first

I have no innate short term memory and my long term memory is governed by if I enjoyed it or not

99% of what happened in the past 3+ minutes I don't remember

and what I do remember is only if I enjoyed it and it's very blurry besides the cold hard facts

for example I don't remember anything specific from my graduation 14 years ago but I do remember that I did it I couldn't tell you the names of the people I sat by in the stands but I know I sat by them 

I'm basically a revolving door I just keep going and I don't remember anything

with my medicine I do remember "everything"

but without my medicine I'm like a revolving door that shines bright like a working light bulb

I'm just happy to get to do what I love even if I know i'm not really going to remember it

anything I remember if you were a good enough liar you could tell the same story

I'm bad at lying that's why I don't do it

"you're killin me"

basically not listening and forcing the same technique they always used to get their way

which usually involved not hearing what you say because it breaks their habits

now murder is just like that but much more sophisticated involving much weirder habits changing what you say actually causing damage not just ignoring

and I write this in my own words

now what does killing someone and murder actually mean

because I was taught this my entire life

it's a really simple answer when I run my simulation

it's about the same as being asked

have you attempted suicide

and your answer is I have literally by definition commit suicide I did extensive research on a drug named dimethyltryptamine and it literally shows you death and you have to allow yourself to do it

which of course ends in the person asking have you attempted suicide to either be underqualified or if they know(They never know) to allow you to pass that moment of judgement

"so then they would of thought you attempted it"

nope no attempt I knew what it would do and I happily allowed myself to experience the trip

I was 18 I had all the money in the world a truck a girlfriend I didn't drink I didn't need a job life was perfect at 19 I did better than all my friends still had a truck had a job and a girlfriend

I just had a bigger better experience

and if i've learned anything

none of the english or ancient american english have a say so in this at all

none of the court will speak outside of court

and it all boils down to an indian classroom with their main speaker being a ravi character from the disney show jessie

and it's always in another language where it's hysterical and they always choose the absolute worst punishment while being taught a lesson after we get to the point where it can be explained

my mom is so sweet now that my little sister graduated high school and mom doesn't have to fight with her in the morning to wake her up to take her to school and my little sister is doing so good 18 with two jobs i'm so proud of the both of them

"Were doing good right now

the only we don't understand is why can he not use his medicine now if he has nothing stopping him"

because he could be back on probation at any time and he needs to be clean

"yeah that doesn't make sense to us"

yall been here the whole struggle so no point in repeating it again

stays in system long time already got revoked can't get any dirty tests could be placed back on at any time

it's supposed to be like going to college or getting a high paying job that drug tests

just imagine i'm getting a 20,000$ a week job and all I have to do for the job is not use marijuana

well i'm going to treat it like getting into a good college or university or high paying job that's random drug tested and all I have to do is finish the job which can take up to three years

then I get all the money when I get to smoke again

taking in to consideration the rules are the rules

what good is it if they don't understand why they can't use it

because it's too much fun

because it makes them too healthy

because it makes life too easy

because it costs money

because rules are the rules but what is the reason is what they want to know

we don't care what the reason is it's a 20k a week oilfield computer job

it's definitely not because it's illegal because that's incompetence in their test we only smoke legal thca from the shops around town it's not our fault the test can't tell the difference

could be because the test can't tell the difference

but alcohol is just as legal as thca and that's not allowed either so I doubt it

It seems like it's not allowed because "if they get to use weed they get to truly enjoy themselves and we don't want that" obviously no one wants to say it but it would be so much easier than just leaving it at no one knows it's the rule because it's the rule

Is it really because they want to feel superior or a higher step up the staircase to the individual and it voids that relation by making the individual the highest up on the ranking

Then you had the major confusion between marijuana being his medicine with self medication vs the injection being his medicine with the psychiatrist and nurse

Mind you I wouldn't make it a week on the injection without using marijuana 

With this new injection I make it the entire month with no marijuana but I smoke a lot of cigarettes to do that 

People don't realize with schizophrenia there's literally no number you can call to get help or anywhere to go to get help you have to help yourself nothing others say or not do(because thus far in 8 years no one has done a single thing besides take my self medication on marijuana away and force and injection that doesn't work)

Even my new injection doesn't really work if I have to smoke cigarettes 

And every person on earth (the earth I imagine) would much rather smoke marijuana than get an injection for their schizophrenia

They have the 4,000$ a month for the injection sometimes 8,000$ a month but they can't help with weed you buy from the store

To a schizophrenic that's how the system is rigged from day one

But we lived for years without the injection happily 

And the only reason we have to get it is because and old person that's allowed to fuck the system is getting overly annoying with fucking the system

And everyone allows it and it's clearly supported with ideas like cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome 

Yes yes we don't want kids we can look at our kids and our teens without overwhelming infatuation we don't like kids and teens in the sense we want to have a workaround to have legal sex with them like a contract or any other work around

So we have fully healed from that illness at least

We look most now and get an overwhelming feeling of them stinking or sorry that they live the way they do

Basically it's looking at the girl and deciding if she stinks don't want to be around and if she smells good want to smell her more

And there's like a 1 in 10,000 chance the girl actually smells good