You always thought you had to get high on them and get everything they worked for leaving then with nothing

While what they are doing to do that good was avoiding you every step of their work to not have you involved 

Literally working unreasonable hours to either make it work with you or get out of work with you

And each time you got high on them it was like you were throwing them off the mountain giving trauma and all it meant was they had to work shorted

Just to get back to that same spot on the mountain and get kicked back off like you owned having a good happy life with money and people

And they were just your chosen one to abuse and neglect