This is a personal vendetta

John has picked on me since I was five
I have the mental illness schizophrenia
He started a mental fight

    

    He wanted to kick me out of the house while saying he would never go that far but it got worse by the day
his jobs up to three+ times a week would take so long to get to from him wasting time on the couch I would run out of my medicine before every job being one of the most conservating on marijuana users using store bought thca this is to be actively and in the right state of mind with my injection and illness.

the difference in this injection and the one I was on was massive this one is much better.

    My grandma passed and she's the one that helped us stay happy it's been 3 years today

25 years of going through this with john when I realized he wasn't going to change and he's only going to get unreasonably harder I couldn't take it 

from calling me the shit eating kid with the shit eating grin at as young as 5 years old and just always treating me different

    I've been told to say it was a personal vendetta long term

That day when we both sat down in front of each other he wanted me gone but he would interrupt the process of moving out he was going to make it impossible to move out and he wasn't going to stop 

when he called me in the living room
and we both had the exact same thing on our minds I know because I was thinking it and he said it out loud
something needs to change
but his version of change always got worse always a big new change

   

    my version of change was not pee as loud not hawk spit as loud not curse as loud when I am working
please don't give me jobs. This is exactly when I knew he wouldn't change in any of the ways I was asking. I was just playing his game at that point
     I decided to take a leap of faith that what I was doing would be considered self-defense knowing I would be in my room perfectly fine again until he went on another tyrant if something didn't change

knowing he would do one of his mind games and keep playing until I lost my mind again and he would get to tell me something needs to change? Telling me something needs to change because I'm being closed off and all around irritated so short then giving me a job

    my issue with getting probation being revoked is I smoked to calm my schizophrenia to someone with schizophrenia it's like all the oxygen is sucked out of the room and you are a fish in a fish tank fighting to breathe I smoked and that's all I did that went against my probation I stopped this after the mhmr injection started to work a month or two after my first injection. I understand this disobeys the rules and i'm asking for this to be seen past and consider what I have wrote above

    I'll also mention I called 911 several times on john luce never getting any help with the situation. I get the injections to be more okay with my life and I don't want to be a problem or cause issues or harm to anyone. The furthest I could get in making it better was just call 911 again or walk away preferably walk away, well when there's no where you can go to get away and he is always a footstep noise away from waking up on the living room couch. It's a bad place and it isn't right. Life just always feels like he's stalking, and you never get away. Working and going backwards.

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I do not believe he wants anything bad to happen to me

and I would be willing to bet he wants this all to go away for me

but I do know there's something inside of him a very vocal part of him

that does want the worst for me and to hit me like I hit him, the same or worse

another aspect of the negligence the split personality disorder

the first to want to be warm and welcoming

but overwhelmed by the need to get revenge

get self-pity then start raging

slam doors get away

then try to smile and be happy

while he is just upset at the world

and torture

mental and physical

not being able to say no to jobs

having to do the jobs

usually a confession and obtaining information

always wanting to know what was going on but acting like he was too done to help or couldn't help then us just wanting to sit there never having money to do things since that was so important making too big of a deal the inability to change and the getting so much worse as time went on he wouldn't let me live I had to buy a mini fridge and cook on a hot plate in my room and stay in my room all day long he would throw my food away and I don't know where he would put it my events at youtube and twitch take very long amounts of time to set up I never had enough time to work unless he left me alone or went out of town it wouldn't be long and he would have a new job he paid me occasionally for the jobs it wasn't enough to make up for the time I lost in my youtube website and twitch development 

intimidating

just how the situation always felt specific times when he would talk bad about my mom and sister or complain about the animals

the spitting the peeing so loud 

tell your fatass little sister this this and this and this

oh and your fatass mother she need to do this and this and she owes me this and this and this it never ended

punishing someone for an act they committed or are suspected of committing

I don't know what it was but it always felt like he was doing this