Can I talk about my stor(me in anger management)

I do take responsibility for what I did and why I’m in this class

I do know what I could of done to avoid it, I had money I could of moved out I just didn’t think it would be possible for me

Well my grandma passed away in 2022 and all this happened in 2023 she always kept everyone happy even when another would upset them

I remember the day I went to jail we were having a meeting in the living room about something needs to change

And I was adamantly asking for the changes I wanted

Him to pee outside him to spit in a napkin 

I didn’t mind the cursing and yelling at the tv

But the 20 min long pees when my room was next to the restroom he claimed he could pee so long because he had an iron stomach 

He would spit all throughout the day as loud as possible it felt like and it would cause me to cringe 

I knew the walking away and I knew the letting it go

But if I walked away or let it go he would just be right there spitting peeing having another meeting and avoiding all the changes I asked and instantly wanting more work done

Work he always said he would pay for but would never pay

I called non emergency 911 over 8 times

They couldn’t do anything if he wasn’t going to be violent physically 

They couldn’t get him out of the house

No one ever even suggested I move out

I talked to every single medical person councilor shrink therapist psychiatrist nurse doctor you name it and it was always about feeling abused belittled betrayed neglected all of it

I usually start out by saying my grandpa picked on me from a very young age he was a big racist to blacks Mexicans and several other groups of people

I’m half Mexican so that always hurt

He always talked about my mom and sister saying they ate everything and were fatasses and he ate anything you left in the refrigerator too I had to buy my own mini fridge to keep my food away from him 

I knocked him out and I have to admit it felt good it felt better than losing my virginity which I waited daily for that to happen for about 14 years

I feel like my punishment is light 

I was offered 4 years in prison

I got 3 years on probation 

I’ve finished half way on the three years

I did 130 days in jail

I’ve finished all my community service 

My anger management has one my class

I’ve paid 9,000 out of $10,000

I have no violations so far

I hear you saying everyone must feel stupid for what they did to end up here and this is a good place to be if you got in and there’s much worse

I’m happy with what I did

I got away and I got orders to not talk to him or be around him

That’s what I wanted the entire time

And if we do it again the charge will be much worse

I don’t ever plan on living with anyone for the rest of my life

And I highly highly highly doubt I’ll live with anyone old man I have to love while not even liking but I have to do everything like I love them while they’re mentally working me and physically working me with no pay

If my life replayed I probably would do it again a few more times

Until eventually I just started moving out before I did it

Obviously I wouldn’t do it a second time in this life

But I’m not upset or feel stupid for doing it

It saved my life

I was a happy person I did good I had money

He was driving me to be stupid doing things like attempting suicide

As a happy person

And I’ll own up to that I just wanted to get away from him

He always had money but he couldn’t help the family for shit 

But if he wanted something he would get it that day

I would use all my weed waiting to get to a job that wouldn’t pay then when I would ask for money to get that weed back legally from a store he would talk to me like I was a drug addict

It just gets me that for weeks probably months the sit down talk was about what needed to change

And I was so damn infuriated that I was literally spelling out what needed to be changed

Pee outside not by my room

Spit in a napkin not as loud as you can in the trash

That’s when I snapped

Because it was like it was some unsolvable math problem to him and I’m literally telling him every chance I get what I want

And he just goes completely oblivious and thinks I need to change not him

The person that knows their not perfect and takes responsibility and maybe it’s not them

But you get someone that literally claims they are perfect 

And that just hurts right at the get go

But then you forgive too many times

And it’s just a weight on your mind body soul mentally and physically 

You can’t just keep forgiving and walk away you can’t just keep doing time outs

Eventually you just break

Like anything holding more weight than what the thing is rated to hold

I didn’t think I could move out on my own

I could have

I knocked out an old man

And I got everything I wanted

Community service done

1 more anger management 

$9,000 out of $10,000 paid

25 months done with 14-20 months to go

I’m not ashamed I don’t feel stupid I don’t feel like a criminal 

I feel the society I live in is so flawed that some elderly can get away with anything because they’ve learnt and all the workers are half their age

And no one actually cares if there’s no way physical violence 

But I feel the court knows him and how bad he is and I got it very easy and light like a slap on the wrist not the book 

He was a top rank Freemason and didn’t have to work a normal job and had a wife that did all the cooking and cleaning and besides just sitting at work shooting the shit or at home yelling at the tv cursing or getting the wife all in a fit

He would drink and drive every single day

He would throw fits if something he was moving got stuck and would just pout

And I always felt above the law

I smoked weed I would drink and drive I would sell drugs I would buy drugs

And I never had any run ins with the law

But at the same time it always felt like the law or cops wouldn’t ever do anything 

He was always so sure what he was doing wasn’t going to get him in trouble

As long as he didn’t hit me or hurt me physically he could get away with anything 

And that took its toll on me