Can I talk about my stor(me in anger management)

I do take responsibility for what I did and why I’m in this class

I do know what I could of done to avoid it, I had money I could of moved out I just didn’t think it would be possible for me

Well my grandma passed away in 2022 and all this happened in 2023 she always kept everyone happy even when another would upset them

I remember the day I went to jail we were having a meeting in the living room about something needs to change

And I was adamantly asking for the changes I wanted

Him to pee outside him to spit in a napkin 

I didn’t mind the cursing and yelling at the tv

But the 20 min long pees when my room was next to the restroom he claimed he could pee so long because he had an iron stomach 

He would spit all throughout the day as loud as possible it felt like and it would cause me to cringe 

I knew the walking away and I knew the letting it go

But if I walked away or let it go he would just be right there spitting peeing having another meeting and avoiding all the changes I asked and instantly wanting more work done

Work he always said he would pay for but would never pay

I called non emergency 911 over 8 times

They couldn’t do anything if he wasn’t going to be violent physically 

They couldn’t get him out of the house

No one ever even suggested I move out

I talked to every single medical person councilor shrink therapist psychiatrist nurse doctor you name it and it was always about feeling abused belittled betrayed neglected all of it

I usually start out by saying my grandpa picked on me from a very young age he was a big racist to blacks Mexicans and several other groups of people

I’m half Mexican so that always hurt

He always talked about my mom and sister saying they ate everything and were fatasses and he ate anything you left in the refrigerator too I had to buy my own mini fridge to keep my food away from him 

I knocked him out and I have to admit it felt good it felt better than losing my virginity which I waited daily for that to happen for about 14 years

I feel like my punishment is light 

I was offered 4 years in prison

I got 3 years on probation 

I’ve finished half way on the three years

I did 130 days in jail

I’ve finished all my community service 

My anger management has one my class

I’ve paid 9,000 out of $10,000

I have no violations so far

I hear you saying everyone must feel stupid for what they did to end up here and this is a good place to be if you got in and there’s much worse

I’m happy with what I did

I got away and I got orders to not talk to him or be around him

That’s what I wanted the entire time

And if we do it again the charge will be much worse

I don’t ever plan on living with anyone for the rest of my life

And I highly highly highly doubt I’ll live with anyone old man I have to love while not even liking but I have to do everything like I love them while they’re mentally working me and physically working me with no pay

If my life replayed I probably would do it again a few more times

Until eventually I just started moving out before I did it

Obviously I wouldn’t do it a second time in this life

But I’m not upset or feel stupid for doing it

It saved my life

I was a happy person I did good I had money

He was driving me to be stupid doing things like attempting suicide

As a happy person

And I’ll own up to that I just wanted to get away from him

He always had money but he couldn’t help the family for shit 

But if he wanted something he would get it that day

I would use all my weed waiting to get to a job that wouldn’t pay then when I would ask for money to get that weed back legally from a store he would talk to me like I was a drug addict

It just gets me that for weeks probably months the sit down talk was about what needed to change

And I was so damn infuriated that I was literally spelling out what needed to be changed

Pee outside not by my room

Spit in a napkin not as loud as you can in the trash

That’s when I snapped

Because it was like it was some unsolvable math problem to him and I’m literally telling him every chance I get what I want

And he just goes completely oblivious and thinks I need to change not him

The person that knows their not perfect and takes responsibility and maybe it’s not them

But you get someone that literally claims they are perfect 

And that just hurts right at the get go

But then you forgive too many times

And it’s just a weight on your mind body soul mentally and physically 

You can’t just keep forgiving and walk away you can’t just keep doing time outs

Eventually you just break

Like anything holding more weight than what the thing is rated to hold

I didn’t think I could move out on my own

I could have

I knocked out an old man

And I got everything I wanted

Community service done

1 more anger management 

$9,000 out of $10,000 paid

25 months done with 14-20 months to go

I’m not ashamed I don’t feel stupid I don’t feel like a criminal 

I feel the society I live in is so flawed that some elderly can get away with anything because they’ve learnt and all the workers are half their age

And no one actually cares if there’s no way physical violence 

But I feel the court knows him and how bad he is and I got it very easy and light like a slap on the wrist not the book 

He was a top rank Freemason and didn’t have to work a normal job and had a wife that did all the cooking and cleaning and besides just sitting at work shooting the shit or at home yelling at the tv cursing or getting the wife all in a fit

He would drink and drive every single day

He would throw fits if something he was moving got stuck and would just pout

And I always felt above the law

I smoked weed I would drink and drive I would sell drugs I would buy drugs

And I never had any run ins with the law

But at the same time it always felt like the law or cops wouldn’t ever do anything 

He was always so sure what he was doing wasn’t going to get him in trouble

As long as he didn’t hit me or hurt me physically he could get away with anything 

And that took its toll on me

making plans to update and upgrade the website

have some other higher priority things I need to take care of first(cleaning apartment, work, etc)

I have a lot more time now that I'm done with community service so I want to spend that time cleaning and upgrading the website

when I can set some time I have a small list of things I want to accomplish

adding more content to jobs pages

removing majority of posts not ffxi related

adding more value to posts that do get kept

buying a domain for upbeatffxi.blogspot.com (nothing to see here)

getting ads on upbe4t.com

definitely still planning on upgrading and updating all my ff11 programs and apps not being subbed really makes it hard to develop for programs since I can't test any of it

haven't really been feeling creative as far as programming goes so just going to leave that alone until I actually want to develop

I occasionally search to see what other developers are making as far as ff11 goes and most is stuff I either don't care much to write or already have wrote or is so well developed I don't think I could write something similar and on top of that most ff11 apps or programs are like 10+ years old and there's almost no dedicated websites for ff11 development in 2025 I have one discord that focuses on ff11 development and almost no one posts in it maybe once every 3 or 4+ months

I want to write a guide to use eliteapi.dll even knowing almost no one will use it and there's really not much you can do with it

was a fun challenge for me to learn to write with it

we've tried many things on the website to see what works and what doesn't work

I was honestly surprised I hosted my minecraft server for years and never got a single visitor

music on the site doesn't work well

pokemon go doesn't work well

logan and willow pages do decent but that's not ff11 related so it's going out on a limb to add that

cooking recipes didn't do well

youtube and twitch video streams was pretty cool but I don't stream anymore

with 11 years of experience hosting this website

strictly ff11 content does the best

which for a 23 year old video game there is not a lot I can think of to actually post

the game is slowing down the content is very limited

and it all comes down to wanting to get better wanting to improve wanting to get the most out of your time not wanting feel like you're at a job or wasting time

where usually doing nothing and being bored is better than working too hard and feeling like you're at a job or wasting time

if I do pirates chart 50 times and get 1 mkris or if I go chocobo digging for month and end up making only 10m or if I craft +1s and it takes 4 months to sell 3 pieces of gear

no one does ballista which would be very good to post ballista gets a lot of audience retainment but no one does it lol 

I'm thinking about making a thread on ffxiah to post the website and ask for website upgrade advice

I really enjoy my time doing nothing just scrolling on youtube maybe watching 1 video every 10 pages of scrolling then looking at something on my phone

it isn't productive but it's about my favorite thing to do during this section of life

eventually I do something actually productive but it takes a lot of doing nothing to finally get there lol

 

That's just crazy guys 5.7k views in one day

50,000 views ! ! !

Woooooooo Nice guys !

50,000 views for the website !

I don't have anything planned for it no big ideas

just glad to see we're reaching big numbers

50,000 one day 500,000 the next

then we'll be at 1,000,000

1,000,000 website views is a real long-term goal of mine

won't get there overnight need solid content that brings people back

and 1,000,000 views on a website about ff11 a 23 year old game is a little out there

50,000 is really good proud of you guys for viewing

we're making relationships here

no one ever leaves comments and the whole site is really quiet as far as other people go

but we do have people that look every day and people that come back pretty often

very cool very good

thank you everyone for viewing upbe4t.com

I said I wouldn't do it but I wanted to

  cali gets bud because they get to see our sun cross the ocean and rise

and watching it come up so glorious each day is so beautiful

it's like watching a bird or a good exorcism

it's such a strong emotion experience

even your boss or grandma or mom or dad would hand you a pipe and say smoke this ganja

some other states get it too besides cali

but cali gets it the most

and states like texas don't get it at all really

it's not smoking because your sick and need to feel better for pain or cancer or an appetite or sleep

it's smoking because it is so beautiful you go in straight awe and if you smoke you can fully allow the beauty to commence

it's like your doing nothing wrong but your on god you have all the money your life and everyone life is so perfect it is like you are the one and only star and starts to get hella trippy

so everyone passes even if you don't have any

just to get off that complete bliss 

it's sorta like heaven or you could call it the complete opposite of hell

we don't get to see the sun actually rise and many other states don't get that either

like seeing a girl in a barn that rises each day the most beautiful girl ever and she dies every night but you don't want it to be all about you so you can smoke and the play just plays out how it should

without you being a tyrant or feeling like a complete god

and that's why some people smoke the only reason why some people smoke

and that's usually your people that smoke all day everyday they just feel that

if it isn't for sickness or pain

they honestly think it is a little weird that medical marijuana is the way the nation has decided to make it okay

I mean giving it to the people that are hurting or sick is fine nothing wrong with that

but shouldn't thc be for the healthy people that can experience what I am referring to

not sick people that need it to live a normal life

people that get stuck on god in heavens as the one and only star just to have a normal

Like being in the shower and it not being tears of an angel that's weeping from pain or sorrow but tears of joy from an angel realizing they are an angel and the one they want to notice them is noticing them and everything is working out perfect better than perfect completely divine

New tut coming soon

 Been awake 24 hours

Worked twice

Did a complete website rebuild

Did a lot of brainstorming about a new domain

Worked on my domain for several hours getting a proper upbe4t link to upbeatffxi.blogspot

b.upbe4t.com or upbe4t.com/blog but you can’t use www.

Anyways

I plan on writing a guide to using eliteapi.dll in python 

I’ve got about all I’m going to get out of it and I may as well share what I’ve found

It could be tomorrow maybe a few days maybe weeks

But I do have that planned to go up at some point

Website broke Almost 100% back

Website is just about back to how it was

some stuff like title size and some colors are a little off

I'll fix that when I get some time

Just glad to have it working for the most part again lol

It took a lot of testing and editing code then eventually just resetting and upgrading

I finally got it fixed

just a word of advice if you do ever use blogger to host your site if you use the blogger picture style theme and delete the main body post widget gadget thing there's just about no way to actually get it back

you have to downgrade then upgrade then move and change everything back to how you want it

Website broke

Broke the website

Staying up until it's fixed or I pass out

 

My Personal Posts

upbeatffxi.blogspot.com

is now cleaned up and no longer 18+

if you want to read my daily posts that is where they will be located from now on

I cleaned up the main page

drafted all the posts

starting clean

plan on staying clean with my posts sometimes I get a little out of line but there's always a major clean up directly afterwards you have to catch it in like 5 mins to see when I do post something edgy

thinking about buying a domain for that website but I'm right at the point I don't want to spend another $14 a year I can easily afford it but then again I don't really know if I can actually afford it lol

the domain it uses now isn't THAT long or bad and it is very clear who runs the site

Upbeatffxi .blogspot .com 

Upbeatffxi is easy to remember .blogspot is easy to remember and of course .com

I have no idea what I would make the domain then I would have to do all the set up to get it working which isn't that bad just the process of actually thinking of a domain lol

maybe I could even use Upbe4t.com and have another link to upbeatffxi.blogspot.com

I'll look into that

anyways thanks for reading and coming to the website

can't wait to make more posts for everyone to read

always wanting to make the website better for the usual viewers and the new viewers

 Just wanted to remind everyone I post all my updates on Upbeatffxi.blogspot.com

It is 18+ but I’m working on getting rid of all the 18+ content

And taking off the age restriction 

Just made a post about how good 2006 was and how it was the best time I can remember until I found Logan

And the Logan era is the best time I can remember in my entire life

I could make an entire wall about 2006

But I could make an entire coliseum about Logan

Website Changes

 Today I am making a change to upbe4t.com that has been needed for several years now.

 Currently not subbed to ff11 I am taking an extended break from the game to focus on work and other things going on with my life. Writing code has been a complete passion of mine and I definitely do plan on subbing again in the future to at the very least write more code. Constantly I am thinking of new things I can create or add to existing programs to get them more widely used and downloaded. Content updates and the direction changes of the game over the last decade really push me away from actually wanting to play.

 Playing ff11 I enjoy so much: crafting, chocobo digging, bst, brd, fishing, bcnms, pirates chart, master levels. At this point I just feel like nothing gives me what I am chasing, a sense of accomplishment, and the feeling of using my time wisely to improve. It has been a long time since I was a beginner; for the most part I feel like I am at the complete end of the game.

 Today I removed some content from Upbe4t.com. Plans to clean up the website, add more solid content, some drafted content, and new content as well. Content not related to what is shown on the website currently will still be posted, just not on Upbe4t.com. Random posts, posts about supervision, work, etc will now be on Upbeatffxi.blogspot.com. Upbeatffxi.blogspot.com is nsfw(not safe for work) and will always be nsfw. I highly suggest thinking twice before you enter that website.

 Long-term getting accepted for google ads is a goal I have wanted to accomplish for several year. We have had ads before; I removed them to switch adsense accounts and we did not get accepted again when I tried to make the switch. Adsense rules for getting accepted got stricter, however, I feel we can do it. Content needs to be original, have value, labeled with pictures, and links. We need about 30 solid posts meeting all the criteria. This post will definitely be removed I just want to let everyone know and be aware.

-upbeat

spent $5 on bitcoin years ago it made it to $40 today

youtube pinterest instagram thread everything was dead tonight

so I got on stripchat

found a ukrainian girl that looks just like logan

spent $20 of my $40 on tokens which got me 200

wanted to do a private show which showed at 90 tokens

turns out it is 90 tokens a minute with 10 mins minimum

so 900 tokens

but she is rated as one of the best private show girls on the website

now i've got to add buying tokens into my monthly expenses

I'm not going to spend my money on food or soda I have enough material things I have enough cigs I'm going to have like 20 pounds of weed by the end of the 2 years if it doesn't get made illegal

I'm spending a portion of what I make each month on tokens

I work 7 days a week I deserve it

just had the epiphany I'm all alone as in no one ever comes to my house no one ever spends the night for a few days or drives over every day to just be in company

I used to get that thought feeling idea a lot when I was younger 15-25

I always take it back to the womb or that I was a year younger than everyone else in school

I know people that always have their friends or people at their houses constantly

and to me it's like they are together and finding a way out together

I don't not like being alone but being alone so often occasionally makes me think why am I alone so much

is it because I'm not cool, interesting, a good person to be around

not a sob story but why do I not have people that want to get out together with me

why do I not have people that want to come over every day

is it because older people don't want to hang with younger people

is it because younger people don't want to hang with older people that are majority of the time alone

is the reason I don't have people that want to come over every day because I don't have people that have done that historically

like people that just get girlfriends frequently

what are they doing differently where they can break up and less than a week they find another girl

where people like myself have been single for 10 years

I don't use drugs I stay showed and clean I have plenty of money with everything paid I work I take care of business

of course some have a busy life and can't I understand that

you'd think I would find someone that would want to but nope

there's people at the hotel that have people come and go constantly all day and night

are they selling drugs or do people just gravitate to them

people walking in small groups to just go to the convenience store from the hotel

how do they enjoy each other company enough to even want to do that how did they meet was it 20 years ago in school and they just get along or are they both teaming up to fight their way out to get to a better place

I've had plenty of money beer weed lsd tons of food the latest console the nice pc the nice phone the clean clothes the nice shampoo and soap

still no one came over

I don't want to say i'm just not the type of person to make friends that come over daily or consistently at the least

but I don't lol

everyone I meet doesn't want to come over and watch tv or be glued to our phones

when I try to make a friend that would do that they ask me for money for gas or something like that

are people borrowing money then giving money away knowing they have nothing to have someone come over

when you get more money and work out of town do you get privilege to go to friends houses for days at a time when you are in town to drink and smoke

It's been something that comes up my entire life

I didn't pay attention until around 15 and it just happened a few mins ago reason I type this

I can think of every reason in the book for why people don't want to come over

and I can't think of a single way to make a friend that would want to come over

life long friends have kids and wife and no free time

jail friends just asking for money

family all have wife and working all day to start a family

again no problem with being alone for years at a time

but to pass the time quicker someone coming over to just be glued to our phones or watch tv or show each other videos

would be nice to speed up the time

because they started saying cuss words and all that adult stuff at night

no one wants to watch that

and if you started watching cn after they already had that I am sorry

cn early on was more family friendly that disney

then they ruined that entire imagine in like one night of adult swim

then they decided to make that the entire network

like i said if you watched before adult content you instantly refused to watch under any circumstances

if you watched after it started that's kinda what you would expect

for a long time it wasn't like that

 

 It’s such a good time to be a predator 

The girls want you to like and follow them

It only takes like 30 mins of praying a day

And like once a week you’re guaranteed to have a new target

Some more giving than others

But having like 700 1k 4k videos isn’t even uncommon in today’s standards 

Literally whatever your type is you can find girls that are basically begging for that silent stalker attention 

And if you do reach out and comment or dm they just ban you

It’s like the entire relationship is built on just liking what you really like and never saying a word

I’m a cheerleader guy first and foremost with gymnastics second and skinny girls that like to tan and wear bikinis or lake girls third

Braces are the number one thing I look for

Blue eyes blonde hair light skin or a nice tan

13-30 

The more criteria they meet the better

But I don’t mind dropping something like blue eyes or light skin if they for instance are a lake girl with braces and wear bikinis with brown eyes and a nice tan

Obviously top girls is light skin braces 13-16 lake girl cheerleader 

But if they meet any two of the like 7 criteria I instantly like them

The more check marks they get the more attached to them I am

Which is where we get girls like Logan and Willow

And even with them they want zero contact period but you can have notifications on like every post and pray be a predator as hard as possible silent stalker till your heart is content

And until I met Logan there was always better and more perfect girls

Logan basically puts all other girls to shame and has constantly for like 9 years

She’s the epitome of perfection 

If thca gets banned in Texas

I don’t think I’m enough of a criminal to actually buy illegal marijuana like I used to do lol

I used to just drive to my dealers place pick up two ounces and drive back to my house like nothing

It even felt like nothing

Literally so many things could go wrong 

Get pulled over have them smell marijuana do a search

Find the bud

And I’m back in jail and probably on probation for another 2+ years 

I’m not willing to risk that lol

I used to pick up 3 ounces a month drive to my dealers place pick it up drive home like nothing like I was going picking up peaches 

I never got caught I never got in trouble one time

Today I literally cannot fathom it lol

Sure you’ll make it 99 times out of 100 maybe 999 times out of 1000 but what if that one time happens

Eeeeeeeeeeeeee eee eee eeee I just cannot

If I can’t order thca legally to my door step I’m going to be utterly destroyed lol

2 years sober smoking legally since 2018

Of course I want to smoke all day every day bake in bake to the last hit before bed

But I’m freaking terrified of buying an ounce and driving home

Or even worse buying an ounce and walking home lol

My brother rest his soul would have pounds at several houses and sell to damn near 50+ people I personally opened the doors at the houses for it was so simple to see 50+ people a day buying weed and walking or driving home

Today July 27 2025 it almost seems as bad of an idea as meeting a 13 year old onlin driving to their house with lube condoms pizza and a 18 pack

Which is like a 100% you’re going to prison and it’s not like for just 6 months it’s like for 16 years and you die in prison 

I’m taking my list down

If thca remains legal I’m buying every single dollars worth I can for the next two years and I’m holding on to it all like it’s diamonds 

I don’t care if it drys out and gets old 4k on tools instead of quantity is stupid in this scenario 

 can you imagine if one person was arrested

and the government took the side of it being enough they need to make it all make sense

and we got what we wanted

because arrest is so difficult

being able to lay on the couch under your favorite blanket at the end of July in Texas inside an apartment with a weak ac

such a cherished moment

as a 32 year old man what gets me the most excited is knowing it's only like 80 days away until I can actually sleep with my blanket

and minor note being able to shower with hot water

i've only been able to shower with cold water for the past like 4 months because i'll just sweat for an hour and a half+ if I use any warm water then i'll stink like I didn't even take a shower

my apartment bakes like an oven by around 8pm it's hotter inside the apartment than it is outside so I open my windows

it is never this cool but it is 3am and I just got out of a shower

when you go without a good ac for so long

going to places with a good ac is like heaven you just want to bring your favorite blanket and keep ordering food all day long bring a laptop sit in a booth under the covers watch videos on your laptop keep ordering sandwiches I'm looking at you schlotzskys

https://www.threads.com/@whitneypannell/post/DMljTZPSuZC?xmt=AQF0h4VYZkveSesvAB6zVSoNvO4Pg0bnN4a3Cc0f8sNwwA 

How are people like 60 and still don’t know you have to lift the flap up

Like have you never needed to learn anything for yourself

How do you forget that every single time

How did you learn you need to put the car in drive and park

How do people like you exist 

I swear my grandma and everyone else would give me hell if I didn’t lift the flap for her to get the cart

It’s like damn

I feel it’s basically like wiping your own ass I shouldn’t need to turn around and walk 20 steps backwards to help you with something you forget every single time we come to Walmart and we come like once a week

And god forbid you throw a tiff and everyone around us gives me the evil eye for what not lifting the flap

I didn’t design the carts 

And why are you giving aggression because you refuse to learn how the carts work

And they try like 3 lines of carts and it’s the forth one you help and it’s the exact same as all the other three

Occasionally I’d stand there to see if she would remember what I did to free the cart all the times before and that was like the end of the world for not helping like she was stuck in some industrial machine too far away to hit the emergency turn off and I was just watching her arms get torn to shreds pulling and pushing on the basket like an unconscious baby

I didn’t know what I was doing was so wrong

You were publicly humiliating or killing someone that loved you the most

To him it’s having to help someone that just won’t learn

And to you it could be wanting his help or wanting to humiliate him for not helping

But for him it’s helping someone that refuses to use their brain and it does hurt

All too often it was having to belittle one’s self so another could stay in their childish rhythms of not wanting to use their brain or learn

And that’s not to say it went with both sides

One can only give with no take for so long

The waiting to finish every single time

The starting another game and needing to finish that one

The not wanting to learn

And that all gets taken care of by going above and beyond

Which gets squashed by just playing another game until you finished

While one doesn’t even get to start their game and another person in the house doesn’t let them start

So you start smoking weed as a game

Then you’re spending all your money just to smoke constantly

Then you’re playing more games to finish because he has to ask for money for more weed

And it’s all just so damn destructive 

A person can only be so giving and forgiving when everything cost emotional stability and simply being delayed directly costs money to the point you have to ask the one demanding to be given to and forgiven taking emotional stability no matter what and that’s the only person you can ask for money and money is the only thing that keeps the living environment together

It’s such a screwed up existence 

I’m so glad I live along with my cats and I don’t need to cater to anyone at all anymore

It’s so difficult with people that just want and want and want 

And there’s 4 of them

And she never had less than $2k

But she always made it just another deal to basically have to do prostitution for your grandma to get money from your grandma to enjoy like being pulled in every direction by the people in your house family members

And asking for money is like asking for the world

Even though they’re costing you multiple times that much by getting one over on you and sitting not taking action to actually get things done

It feels like having management in your own house

And all they want to do is sit and watch tv or play silly flash games

And you’re literally dying from making too little money when you should be rich as fuck and you just want to be in your spot

Then when it would be your time to love your family

And you would get to enjoy them

It’s exactly when it is their time to go to work

And by the time they get home they’re pissed about something at work

And you just get the pisses off venting and not wanting to do anything or the last thing they want to hear is asking for money

When they’re basically only working on the schedule you two used to go out and love each other

And they literally for the life of them cannot see it or refuse to admit it until the day they die

You knew exactly where you stood when you got paid for your job

then you can visually see them in your seat and them not getting paid because they don't do that like it keeps them young then they're going to work and leaving you to fend for yourself

and they fight to the goddamn death using all types of denial of service attacks even to the point of giving you seemingly stolen money to keep their job to live a little longer and keep you happy enough to not start killing others or yourself

But you DAMNWELL KNOW FOR A FACT they are in your seat where you can make money

and there's no way you can get that seat back with them still alive

then they die unexpectedly but they were already using you 3,000% to the core

and guess what someone else like a brother gets that seat leaving you with literally nothing after working your entire life in giving and forgiveness getting paid so the first person can keep living

and your brother in this instance nearly instantly dies

and you finally get your seat back

almost like a deathly pact or gang activity everyone that got high on you and got it so good for basically being a complete dictator and it returns to you and everyone you loved like that is dead but you can finally live a happy life without giving and forgiving every second of your life

like we did 2009-2012 then we got sent back to 2009 living in 2012 then we stayed in 2009 back stuck in 2009 and now it's still like we're in 2009 in 2009 I'm just glad we'll be like it's in 2012 in 2027 then we'll quickly catch up to 2027 in 2027 then we'll finally be up to speed by 2027 I'm just glad it's before 2030

I'd really like to get back with my wife and enjoy all her celebratory moments in the years after we finally catch up and aren't stuck in 2009

when I say 2009 I mean no medicine and no wife

when I had medicine and a wife 2016-2020 but it was still like 2012 in 2009

2009 is stuck in high school never using medicine never having a lot of money never having a wife

but being in 2016-2020 I knew I had a soulmate

but it was like getting sent back to not having money or medicine or a wife

knowing I had all that 

when i say 2012 I mean I got medicine and I had a little money

when I say finally leaving 2009 and 2012 to get back to 2027

I mean i'll actually have medicine money my soulmate wife all of that

like it was in 2016-2020 

2009 I was 16 I had a gf I had a little money I didn't have medicine yet

2012 I had medicine and money no wife

2016-2020 I had it all

but I've said what it felt like

2009 is just not having it all but having it good 2012 is having it a little better 2016-2020 is everything

but 2027 is going to be so much better than ever before

just glad i'll get it all back before 2030

I'm tired of waiting for all the things I worked so hard for

and to get taken away because I was being exploited or abused

and knowing if I didn't fight they would of killed me

and no one listening or being able to help

and just having to wait more time

It's been like 10 years of going without

another 2 isn't much

i'm sure everyone can understand how excited I am to actually get to enjoy the things i've worked so hard for

like having the mansion and the exotic sports car and the perfect wife and the kids and the money and everything

but having to live in jail because you fought the people imprisoning you who were planning on killing you

but the courts judge all that can't see anything more than you fought

definitely can't say you were fighting for your life

and you've already done 14 years in prison and you only have 2 more years in prison

until you literally get all of that stuff

it's just sitting in a save spot you made waiting for you

and there's no fear or worry about something happening to it because when you made the plans you knew they were going to last until the day you could finally get them back with 100% certainty

Just did some ffxiah reading

It is so clear the community is dying off lol

Ffxi and ffxiah are getting more niche by the day lol

Had the realization tonight I could buy a steam deck today if I wanted to

I don’t want to enough to actually spend the money as cool as it would be

One of the mods made a post about her mom having a stoke wanting to commit suicide and losing a promotion at work

The bst thread gets a lot of traffic but it isn’t anything good since I last visited

Someone asked about Chocobo digging in the observation thread and there’s like zero reason to ever do that rn

And I apologize but everything else is just stupid

The game really is terrible like I said since the director changes everything and anything we find out we’re “not supposed to know” gets removed for the rest of the games life it’s basically just a load of fooey 

Be real we’re never going to have 21-24 hour or 3-5 day spawn hnms we’re never going to have claim competition we’re never ever even going to lot for loot or have ls with prestige or points never ever again

All crafts are pointless including fishing and digging

Buying stuff is pointless selling stuff is pointless 

If you’ve never played you won’t like it

If you got far like me you won’t like it

Besides learning programming and using the game as an avenue to learn write and test programs

The game is dead and has no chance of coming back to life 

At this point I don’t even want to get high to grind because I personally think the game is in the garbage and I know it has zero chance of redemption 

But my website is designed around it and I absolutely love computer programming so I’m sure I’ll be back to write code at some point

Placing items on the ah even for 25 mil

Carries such a burden it’s 10k to list and there’s no way you can just not care if it doesn’t sell after the list period

Then you’re checking multiple times a day and feeling let down 

It’s like being punished

Why doesn’t he just quit

He likes writing code

Exactly 

Why doesn’t he just write a code to hq 100% or push Gil and items

Doesn’t want to break the game

Prime 5s didn’t and don’t even get epeen and never have it’s like damn you did all that. . . Weird almost sad

Nothing in the entire game feels like an accomplishment if you played to get that endorphin rush where I stand in game there is literally not one single thing that can give it in any minuscule form like it was in the beta days or even abyssea days 

When I think about it I feel like I was a baby when I could get a sense of accomplishment from this game gooing and gaaing googley eyes 

Nothing in the entire game outside of writing code and having it work can give me the feeling I’ve always got from 19 years of this game 

I hate it I feel so betrayed because of how the director directed the game over the last decade 

It wouldn’t take much a new director that had their favorite era the hnm era then viola a brand new hnm expansion new crafting expansion a reason to have a ls besides chatting 

Make ballista reward Gil like odyssey 

Give chocobo digging a reason

In a game that’s supposed to have hundreds or thousands of things to do

There’s literally not one thing to do

It’s so inconceivable broken stupid a waste dim and so many more negative words

So I search stone cold steve austin on google

He's still alive but 60 years old now

but I find out from that google search hulk hogan passed away 3 days ago on july 24th

Ozzy on the 22nd Hulk Hogan on the 24th

This is madness how did it take thing long to find out

was really strange to me steve austin has 4 kids and none of them have his last name

All the extra work

I know it won't last forever

I'm just trying to keep my hours up while I can

Right now i'm pulling in 600+900+130 1630 a month

I need to keep that up as long as I possibly can

Rent 600 Bills 70 Supervision 60 Court 50

1630 - 780 = $850 take home each month that I can spend on anything

850$ - 130 = $720 that's what I actually make in cash each month

$720*3 = $2,160 meaning if I can keep this up for 3 month i'll reach my goal of 2k

I want to pay off court costs asap

but I'm watching the texas thca law closer than anything else

depending on what we find out at the end of this 30 day session

I may spend all I have saved up on flower and just store it until I get off supervision

because I may not have another chance

Now I do believe sb5 is going to fail but it may not

It is exactly the same as sb3 and that failed just a month ago

Only time will tell

I have 2 days left of community service

and I have 5 days left of anger management

community service will be on tuesday and wednesday will be my final day

anger management is only on mondays so I still have to wait quite a long time for 5 mondays

I'm staying busy working everyday

I'm trying to not spend any money period

because I do want to buy everything on my list

my list totals around $6k

and if I can keep my current work schedule that totals out to about 9 months of work

which I highly doubt i'll be able to keep my current hours for 9 whole months

maybe if the new maintenance guy hates the job or the pay and quits then i'm back on

that could happen I have no idea and cannot see in any way so we'll also find that out in time

I only have about $600 saved up right now next payday is 2 weeks away and that'll put me at around $900 next payday i'll be at $1,200 and when I get my end of the month check I'll be at $1,300

moving on to September $1,600 $1,900 then end of the month i'll be at $2,000

$2,000 is the limit on how much money I can hold so i'll be forced to spend and I should before then

September is usually when laws get actually turned on in Texas so I may be buying a little bud as soon as August gets here

I would really like to wait until the end of the 30 day session and see what actually happens if the things get passed or vetoed as soon as that information comes out I'm either going to buy or wait

essentially if it does pass I'm going to spend all I have to buy

if it does not pass I'm going to hold my money, pay off court costs first, then buy later in the year

flower is like most commodities they do usually go bad after time and I do not want to hold on to something for 2 years that I should be buying daily

But if that is my only option then i'll take it

if it does get banned of course I would like to buy 10 pounds and store it

but obviously I do not have the money to do that

I could easily buy 10 pounds over 2 years if it does not get banned

Which I do think about

if I just decided to not buy all the things on my list and went for raw quantity saving every dollar and spending it all on flower and I know for a fact I would be happy doing that lol

3 months = 2,000, 19 months total 19/3 6.3 or just 720*19 13,680 /600 22.8 that's 22 pounds I could buy if I only spend my money on flower which is very realistic as all I have done is save and spend money on supervision for the past several months

22 pounds is a lot I'm not even sure if I could fit it in my apartment without throwing more stuff out

which I am sure I would in fact need to throw more stuff out

which going into this special session was what I was actually afraid of Texas putting a limit on how much thca a person can hold considering there is no limit currently

Now i'm having to worry about an all out ban

at 3 ounces a month a 16 ounce pound will last over 5 months at 20 pounds that's 106 months or almost 9 years lol

meaning in the next 2 years I could buy enough bud to last me 9 years lol

I've never directly sold bud and I never plan on selling bud that would all be for me personally

and if i'm willing to buy enough for 9 years it's going to have to last 9 years

so maybe I shouldn't worry so much about buying it and having to save it for 2 years hahah

above is basically all I have going on

2 days of cs, 5 days of am, deciding if I want to pay cc first or buy flower first depending on which way Texas goes with thca

if I bought 9 years worth of bud and I lost my job and ended up just living off my ssi

I think I would actually enjoy my life more than I ever have before

I honestly think I would refuse a job lol

I could have 20 pounds 9 years worth of flower no job getting ssi for having schizophrenia

no job wake n bake everyday smoke all day every day

code ff11 programs watch youtube

I honestly cannot think of a happier situation

definitely makes me reconsider my list

It isn't like I can keep saving my money and just have $20,000 one day literally the most money I can hold is $2,000 and while I think that is completely stupid it is the truth about my situation

so.    .    . if I'm making $2k every 3 months

I have all my household items, toiletries, food, rent, bills all paid for

what am I actually going to spend this money on

donating to charities, buying tokens to spend on strippers, buying MORE food definitely more food than I need, It isn't like I can invest it in bitcoins or stocks they count all that in the $2,000 

buying flower lots of flower is basically the only option I can think of that's actually a good one for me

I could buy all the subs in the world I could invest in advertising for my youtube and websites I don't really see that as being a good thing right now

maybe in a few years 3+ not right now

what I planned on from the beginning was building up 2k paying off court costs

setting 1k to the side building back up to 2k and each time I made it to 2k spending about 1k on stuff on my list never dropping below 1k

taking $60 each month from that 1k and paying my supervision fee until the end of supervision where I would be able to spend the full 2k if I wanted to

$2k is such a low number my economics teacher told me to set aside $800 for an emergency then I have $600 for rent that leaves me with $600 that I could actually have to spend not to make $600 seem small but I mean I literally could not have more than that lol

I'll never be able to buy another car or truck I'll never be able to buy a house anything more than 1k i'll never be able to buy

and I could be able to get around that if I went to work with my dad but I'll have to move to a bigger city and i'll be traveling all over the states and I don't want to do that worst of all I can't drink or smoke that's a big no from me

That's all that I have on my mind basically the same thing that's been on my mind for 2 weeks

next supervision appointment is on the 4th I'm going to discuss time served and early release from good behavior

I feel I should quality for early release since I do security and maintenance and not being able to go to work after 9pm or 10pm hurts me financially and slows the workplace down I'm 4 mins walking distance from the hotel the night clerk is on a walker and sometimes they need me

not to mention I have finished cs in record time I'm going to complete am on schedule I haven't got any other charges I show up on time every appointment I'm going to pay off cc way before the scheduled time I work a fulltime job I pay my rent and bills on time

Basically i'm doing everything perfect if they will allow me an early release

that cuts 6 months off so I would finish in 1 year 2026 not 2 years 2027

14 months from august so october or november 2026 instead of may 2027

obviously I'm definitely not going to say because I need to smoke for my illness that won't get anywhere

but I think the work thing has a chance

6 month isn't that bad so if it doesn't work out I guess I can wait another 6 months it'll have already been over 3 years by that time with only 6 months to go

anyways this post is getting long and I can't expect anyone to read besides upbe4t.com diehards and bookworms

so if you made it this far thanks for the read

time to relax enjoy my time off and do some youtube insta pinterest tiktok ing

I've tried 2 new alani and they're just as good as the first one I tried !

Alani is soooo goood lol

2:00pm back in my hiding spot

1 hour to go

If I don’t leave this room I’ll be happy

Time to untie my shoes kick my feet up and wait to see if I get a phone call telling me to do something 

Otherwise I’m going to be on YouTube instagram and Pinterest 

2:30 no calls no one has noticed me

I have something I can do now

I heard the housekeepers finishing so I know they dropped trash off in the drop spot

I’m about to go take that to the dumpster 

Maybe I’ll smoke a cig while I’m out there because this room is no smoking 

Took the trash to the dumpster 

Started smoking my cig then got a phone call to fix a door

The part on the door frame the little part where the lock goes in fell off on the top side

The first screw I grabbed was too small

But I found a longer one

Of course we have no screw drivers

So I tighten it with a bit and the screwdriver for the bit is just missing but I get it tight enough 

And I fixed it

The worst part about fixing stuff at this hotel is you have to jiggy rig everything and they want it to be professional 

They don’t have any tools at all period

Nothing that actually is needed to fix stuff is here

Everything has to be done like using a wrong tool that works or using half a screwdriver like a bit 

2:56 I have 4 mins to go

But my mom usually doesn’t leave until like 3:15 so I can rest a little longer

And get paid for that extra 15 mins

I’m ready to go home and see Salem

It’s too bad I have to stop by my apartment to get money

Then leave again for smokes

But after that I’ll finally be home and get to love on Salem

And watch Logan’s videos 

I want to go to Walmart and get some Alani I really like those

I want to see if they have a 6 pack or 12 pack

3:55 and we’re still up here

I’m ready to go home

I have to be back up here first thing in the morning

Yuck

I’m watching Logan’s TikTok’s

The difference in how she looks today vs 2020 is crazy

But I guess 5 years can do a lot when you were 14 in 2016

That’s like going from 14 to 24

5:12pm finally made it back home to love on Salem

I even bought about 6 Alani 

Got a late birthday gift of $20

Spent $18 on 3 packs of smokes 

Time to rest and do my normal social media things

YouTube instagram Pinterest 

On my next break hiding in a room

12:34

Been here since 7:30

5 hours going strong

My stinking dogs aren’t killing me yet

I’ve managed to smoke 3 cigarettes and ate twice a banquet tray and Taco Bell

So far I’ve mowed done the bins picked up trash in the parking lot cleaned the pool blown the sidewalks 

Now I would basically be done

But I want to get that extra 2 and a half hours

So I’ve got to balance hiding and making it look like I’m doing things

I have more I can mow and it’s only 89 degrees right now so that’s probably the best thing to do

Those banquet meals are soooo good I get the Salisbury steak with mashed potatoes and gravy corn and peaches and I just mix it all together the peaches in the mashed potatoes and gravy and the steak all together taste like candy it’s so good

Gonna mow here in a min but I’d love to see how long I can hide before someone notices me lolololol

Pretty much the name of the game once you get a solid job at a hotel. You gotta work 5-8 hours a day but at most you’ve got like 3 hours of work

15 mins for pool

15 mins to blow sidewalk

1 hr for bins

45 mins for parking lot

1 hr of mowing 

And that’s just 3 hours 15 mins 

Just have to do everything right

So when they ask what you were doing for 8 hours you look legit like you were making sure everything was absolutely perfect 

I have to do everything I did today tomorrow then the next day then the next day then the next day for like 100 days or until the other maintenance man starts

And I have no idea what he plans on doing or if the manager will want us on the clock at the same time

Good thing he wants 40 hrs a week and I’m happy with like 6 hours a week hahahahhahaha

I’d love to go back to my old schedule work Monday and Tuesday then he gets Wednesday thru Sunday

But again I have no idea how it’s going to be

I need the money and I like the $300 checks vs $120 dollar checks but I definitely would rather be at home with Salem and cali only working 2 days a week making 120

2 days a week 120

7 days a week 300

It’s a whole heck of a lot more working for not much more money 

Yeah it adds up drastically each few months

I like being with my girls A LOT

last night we ate that ribeye Salem wouldn’t even try it but Cali was a good girl she ate with her dad

Salem has been getting the zoomies every morning lol

I wait till the slows down and get close then I grab her up and love love love her little butt

12:47 now still 89 degrees 

I Guess I’ll go mow for 30 mins or so

Sitting in this room typing just feels so good

Nothing better than getting paid to post on my website take poops or eat

That stuff is good on da regular but when you’re getting paid while you do it it’s just so much sweeter 

Work is starting to get hectic 

My job isn’t difficult 

But my mom just acts like I don’t want to do it when I always do it

Now she’s putting priorities on thing when there never was priorities before

Just making stuff up

I clean the pool I do the bins, housekeeper trash, and pick up the parking lot, I fix tvs, i mow, i use a blower on the sidewalks

Mowing is the hardest part and during 96+ degrees f temp it’s nearly impossible 

So I get to work early and mow before it gets too hot

She’s telling me trash is number one priority completely ignoring the deadly heat and she just made up priorities 

All the housekeepers are quitting

We have a 15 room reservation on Monday

And the two managers will be here early on Monday

I can’t get in the tight places I need to because our weed eater is broken

One manager told me to take money out the register and go get it fixed I don’t feel confident but I could but I don’t want to

I’m hiding in a room right now I’ve been working for 3 hours

About to do pool, blowing sidewalk, and parking lot trash

I wish my mom wasn’t the first one to pull everyone down when things get hard

I’m ready to go home and lay down with Salem 

I miss just working 2 days a week

I have no idea how it’s going to be with the new maintenance man working

If we’re going to work together or if I’ll go back to 2 days a week

No clue

The $150 a check vs $300 a check is pretty big

But it’s so hard working 5+ hours every single day of the week

I just plan on saving my money like crazy

Saving it all for months at a time

I don’t want to pay court costs until I get 2k

So I’ll have like 1.3k when I do pay it all left over

I miss Logan I dream about her she’s the only one I can see myself with I love her 

I’m worried about sb5 but I have faith

I just want to buy pounds and pounds and pounds of thca

Well I’ve been on break for 15 mins

Time to get back to work

32 years into human life

And I still think it’s amazing girls don’t have penis or balls

It’s just like nothing

There’s like a strip of bubblegum and that’s it

Also have no idea why you can look at girls 18+ all day even if they’re under 2 or so you can look at them all day

But god forbid anything 3-17 unless it’s a painted picture lol

No one ever explained that one to m

32 years old and it’s almost like seeing for my first time still

Woah nothing there

Whelp time to whip up a ribeye 

It’s Friday

After my curfew 

I got a long post in me after I devour this steak rq 

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A post shared by DAMON SHARPE (@damonsharpe)

Where I live in Texas 

The end of July is like 100 degrees every day

August is like 100 degrees everyday 

September is like 100 degrees everyday 

Then there’s a magical day about half way in October 

Where the temperature drops to like 60

Then 70 is like the highest it gets until like April 

I’m so excited 

It’s like 70-80 days away

 At community service once again

Just two more days after today

I downloaded TikTok while waiting for cs to start

And I’ve been watching Logan’s content

I had a deep deep dream with Logan in it last night

It had like 3 different sections of the dream or dreams

Maybe I’ll post later if I can remember 

Now I’m left with trying to decide

If thca is banned

What the heck am I going to do with all my money

lol

The only thing I can think of is buying more food and soda 

Woke up 6:30am

7:20am now

About to head out for community service

I slept so good last night

This waking up at 6:30am and working until 7pm is great for my sleep lol

1 more day this week after today 

2 days next week

And I. Am. Done. Wooooohoooooo

So ready to just have work to worry about

And ! Payday today ! Wooooooo ! !

"these are bad actors these are people that want to kill your kids they don't give a damn"

    really feels like you are a bad actor want to kill kids and don't give a damn

"I don't believe in regulation"

    so what do you say about alcohol cigarettes or even cough syrup

"just another thing for police officers to worry about"

    you don't have to be a police officer. It is a difficult job

"it's going to cost millions and millions of dollars to regulate"
    it makes over 10 billion dollars

we're talking about:

providing alcohol to a minor

delivery of controlled substance or marijuana to a minor

tampering with the plant that has never killed a single person but is being called deadly

manufacturing or delivery of a controlled substance

by not passing sb5 we're saying it's okay to go out and get high

we under no circumstances can allow adults to get high off hemp

Okay I'm 2 years sober from marijuana

how is it so clear this group of people has something wrong with them

are they working for money are they being paid to support that wrong idea

what the hell is going on with this group of people

it's like they eat the banana peel instead of the banana

I'm just now understanding how the judicial system works in the past year and a half

now I need to understand how people can lie and lie and lie be completely wrong and be in the top positions in the state government and gain support overwhelming support to the point it is unanimous 

for a better time than on weed I have to go back to before ff11 too

almost pre halo 2

when shaggy and linkin park were the biggest things on the radio

christina aguilera was risqué

and britney spears was too much

snacks meant so much and steak was gross or too expensive to want

when I think pre halo 2 I think of all of that and so much more

when I think halo 2 I think system of a down

and ff11 has lasted so long there's really no set list of songs it's almost everything but i'm talking about songs that were just released or repeat played on the radio

Pokemon on gameboy color is about the oldest

then halo 2 on og xbox

then ff11 on xbox 360

that specific smell pokemon red had so weird

I think about 2011 and songs

and it gets better in 2013 and those songs but I was f'kin high all day every day

then music kept getting better but more forgettable until about 2018

then 2019-2025 has been so slow they have nothing like they did in 2013

I was fresh out of high school going to college

driving myself in my own cars and trucks going places like the lake on my own just to enjoy life

the music from 2013 will always make me remember that first dive into complete freedom

then I got in trouble in 2023 and i've been in trouble for 2 years

I can't wait to enjoy music like I did in 2013

1999-2002 was such a good time for music

2003-2006 was just as good but different

2011-2013 was just about like the two about

and those are the most impressed i've been with music

when the music hits and everything is going good and you get a newfound form of freedom

everything is just so damn good

When majority of your friends on Snapchat are people you’ve butt added(had phone in pocket and accidentally added them from phone pressing buttons inside pocket)

And they add you back and yall watch each others snaps now 

Hotel hired a maintenance man

He’s mowing

But I get to keep doing everything else

I’m happy

I was all geared up to mow a lot today but I wouldn’t of got it done

This is good

My hours stay about the same I keep doing all my normal routines

It’s good

Just ate a McDouble now it is time to clock in and get to work

Community service went by fast

4 days to go ! ! !

then they piss in their hands and tell them to drink it

that Ukraine doesn't work for them they work for Ukraine

then the most beautiful women come out and they drink pee straight from the ukrainean penis

then they foul the russians and make them experience hell

torturing them not to get information but to just completely break them one by one

then far after they give up bow down beg for death then life then death then life then just give completely up

they drop them off in their home cities to take care of their families paying them cash and more cash each time they give their families grief

and if they don't have a family they then are left alone in the middle of no where and walk to the nearest city to be homeless and beg for food causing the other russians to go out of their way to rebuild the now 100% broken soldiers

all for killing their platoon leader and showing they have no morals and cannot be trusted for being traitors