This is a personal vendetta

John has picked on me since I was five
I have the mental illness schizophrenia
He started a mental fight

    

    He wanted to kick me out of the house while saying he would never go that far but it got worse by the day
his jobs up to three+ times a week would take so long to get to from him wasting time on the couch I would run out of my medicine before every job being one of the most conservating on marijuana users using store bought thca this is to be actively and in the right state of mind with my injection and illness.

the difference in this injection and the one I was on was massive this one is much better.

    My grandma passed and she's the one that helped us stay happy it's been 3 years today

25 years of going through this with john when I realized he wasn't going to change and he's only going to get unreasonably harder I couldn't take it 

from calling me the shit eating kid with the shit eating grin at as young as 5 years old and just always treating me different

    I've been told to say it was a personal vendetta long term

That day when we both sat down in front of each other he wanted me gone but he would interrupt the process of moving out he was going to make it impossible to move out and he wasn't going to stop 

when he called me in the living room
and we both had the exact same thing on our minds I know because I was thinking it and he said it out loud
something needs to change
but his version of change always got worse always a big new change

   

    my version of change was not pee as loud not hawk spit as loud not curse as loud when I am working
please don't give me jobs. This is exactly when I knew he wouldn't change in any of the ways I was asking. I was just playing his game at that point
     I decided to take a leap of faith that what I was doing would be considered self-defense knowing I would be in my room perfectly fine again until he went on another tyrant if something didn't change

knowing he would do one of his mind games and keep playing until I lost my mind again and he would get to tell me something needs to change? Telling me something needs to change because I'm being closed off and all around irritated so short then giving me a job

    my issue with getting probation being revoked is I smoked to calm my schizophrenia to someone with schizophrenia it's like all the oxygen is sucked out of the room and you are a fish in a fish tank fighting to breathe I smoked and that's all I did that went against my probation I stopped this after the mhmr injection started to work a month or two after my first injection. I understand this disobeys the rules and i'm asking for this to be seen past and consider what I have wrote above

    I'll also mention I called 911 several times on john luce never getting any help with the situation. I get the injections to be more okay with my life and I don't want to be a problem or cause issues or harm to anyone. The furthest I could get in making it better was just call 911 again or walk away preferably walk away, well when there's no where you can go to get away and he is always a footstep noise away from waking up on the living room couch. It's a bad place and it isn't right. Life just always feels like he's stalking, and you never get away. Working and going backwards.

--------------------------------------

I do not believe he wants anything bad to happen to me

and I would be willing to bet he wants this all to go away for me

but I do know there's something inside of him a very vocal part of him

that does want the worst for me and to hit me like I hit him, the same or worse

another aspect of the negligence the split personality disorder

the first to want to be warm and welcoming

but overwhelmed by the need to get revenge

get self-pity then start raging

slam doors get away

then try to smile and be happy

while he is just upset at the world

and torture

mental and physical

not being able to say no to jobs

having to do the jobs

usually a confession and obtaining information

always wanting to know what was going on but acting like he was too done to help or couldn't help then us just wanting to sit there never having money to do things since that was so important making too big of a deal the inability to change and the getting so much worse as time went on he wouldn't let me live I had to buy a mini fridge and cook on a hot plate in my room and stay in my room all day long he would throw my food away and I don't know where he would put it my events at youtube and twitch take very long amounts of time to set up I never had enough time to work unless he left me alone or went out of town it wouldn't be long and he would have a new job he paid me occasionally for the jobs it wasn't enough to make up for the time I lost in my youtube website and twitch development 

intimidating

just how the situation always felt specific times when he would talk bad about my mom and sister or complain about the animals

the spitting the peeing so loud 

tell your fatass little sister this this and this and this

oh and your fatass mother she need to do this and this and she owes me this and this and this it never ended

punishing someone for an act they committed or are suspected of committing

I don't know what it was but it always felt like he was doing this

was able to finish body +2 and dw cape

now all I need is bunzi gear from odyssey

taking a break from ff11 to clean apartment

right now the number one concern is getting ready for a small vacation

getting the house all clean and ready

calling everyone and letting them know ahead of time

getting all my notes wrote out so I can easily refer to them

it's about to get crazy in upbeat's world

best case scenario the vacation is after the first

I can pay to get out asap if I can get the money and I have a chance

and that court goes well

I haven't emailed anyone my notes

but I do plan on going to public defenders and getting as much help as I can

I know I need to get a lawyer but I can't afford one even though that probably would of been cheaper to begin with

so now it's consolidating all my posts and notes

getting it nice and clean and posting that

 yes

you were falling for him

do you not remember that

must be nice you are lucky

because we have had to remember everything since then

because you started working for some unknown group that damns people to hell

yes that's what his looks like

but it's also what it looks like a majority of the time

that's a fine line in the sand

if it's his and only his and getting used illegally

or if that's just what they look like

it's never been used correctly on him

it's said something big happens when that does take place

like massive

like bigger than anyone has ever seen before

which is why it'll probably never happen

Well as far as jobs I can play anything at 119

My masters are bst brd pld drg drk and a few others I don't have interest in playing

I use drg and drk when the playing is good

Drg is good when buffed

Drk is fun at dho

Pld is a little slow for me

Bst is good but I don't like how little damage it does

I'm on the fence about augmenting gutter

I know it'll make my bst a lot stronger but in all reality it's so weak even with top tier gear

I can't imagine that 12 dmg and onslaught boost doing that much

Any jobs not mentioned I'm not interested in

Leaves bard

Which I am really enjoying 

I like how easy I can get in parties 

I like how strong brd is with proper gear

I know with like 3 upgrades to the set I have now I'll be so much stronger 

I'm seriously thinking about going all brd

If I do a prime I want the instrument 

Bst is going slow

Pld is super slow

All the other jobs I get tired of quick

Brd is keeping me happy

I always want to work on a caladbolg for drk

But I'm not too interested in drk

Then I think other dds

War mnk sam drg nin

I like drg and usually I can get away with using my drg so I do that happily and never get around to making caladbolg 

With brd only missing just a few things

I seriously think I'm going to try hard on brd

I believe this is going to be the best choice for me

I need ambu wins

I need odyssey wins

That's honestly about it to finish brd

I have to augment the head gear and that's going to be annoying needing to get in groups for odyssey but I don't think it'll be that bad with a proper brd

Once I start going it shouldn't be bad at all

So in conclusion 

I'm working on bard primarily now

Not bst

I'd love to be one of the master 50 bst walking around with bis but I think that's so far away without botting which I don't do anymore I can't see it realistically happening 

Get to 30 that's not too bad

Pay 100m to get to 40

Then they want like 400m to go 40-50 or I have to actually party on BST and deal with being relatively weak 

Maybe I'll change my mind if I augment guttler and it does better than I expect 

Ambu for a new dd brd cape and to +2 ayanmo body

Need to ody farm for segments to get bunzi from Mboze after I can build the pop set

after I obtain bunzi I need to augment the hat for quadruple attack

ambu cape is going to be dual weild so I can drop reiki yotai for windbuffet +1 

I need around 500 more job points to finish the 10k for augs

I had always planned on guttler

I may do mandau

gonna take some cross examination to find out what I want to do when that time comes

I also need to fully aug brd +2 neck

this costs around 45m

I only have 31m but I have about 40m on ah once something sells i'll be upgrading brd neck unless I decide to save for aug on relic

 "I took my first big leap and I spent $19,000 on ffxi gil"

we've been trying to find a word to say what he was doing

i think we found it

we tried so long to get away from him

he's old he has too much time to think he always works in a very demeaning way

the issue is always embarrassing the job is always the same

he always plays as an old man that just needs a little help but when he argues and fights he builds up bigger than life

never giving any move to room and always making the worst seem like the kindness of his heart

I told everyone I dealt with

I called 911 several times and told them

now I know what he was doing to me and my family

I'm asking for a motion of dismissal to get back to my life developing my website youtube twitch and all the other content I make

the way I see it and I can finally explain it

he tortured me and my family I asked him to stop he would get worse I asked everyone I could for help no one could do it he started the last fight and I couldn't just walk away he had something on me and it was going to make his torture deadly 

I acted out of self defense and I know this

I wouldn't hurt someone for no reason and I don't even think I hurt him

-upbeat

I do not believe he wants anything bad to happen to me

and I would be willing to bet he wants this all to go away for me

but I do know there's something inside of him a very vocal part of him

that does want the worst for me and to hit me like I hit him, the same or worse

another aspect of the negligence the split personality disorder

the first to want to be warm and welcoming

but overwhelmed by the need to get revenge

get self-pity then start raging

slam doors get away

then try to smile and be happy

while he is just upset at the world

and torture

mental and physical

not being able to say no to jobs

having to do the jobs

usually a confession and obtaining information

always wanting to know what was going on but acting like he was too done to help or couldn't help then us just wanting to sit there never having money to do things since that was so important making too big of a deal the inability to change and the getting so much worse as time went on he wouldn't let me live I had to buy a mini fridge and cook on a hot plate in my room and stay in my room all day long he would throw my food away and I don't know where he would put it my events at youtube and twitch take very long amounts of time to set up I never had enough time to work unless he left me alone or went out of town it wouldn't be long and he would have a new job he paid me occasionally for the jobs it wasn't enough to make up for the time I lost in my youtube website and twitch development 

intimidating

just how the situation always felt specific times when he would talk bad about my mom and sister or complain about the animals

the spitting the peeing so loud 

tell your fatass little sister this this and this and this

oh and your fatass mother she need to do this and this and she owes me this and this and this it never ended

punishing someone for an act they committed or are suspected of committing

I don't know what it was but it always felt like he was doing this

okay just read that I can email the court administrator for the district I am in

and I do have her email

now I need to find my attorney's phone to call and let him know before I send the email

I also need to format everything correctly

"This was not an act of rage, this was not a mental break down set on by mental illness, or a childish fit; this was self-defense"

now for informing my attorney what I would like to do

I really want to win this via a clean motion of dismissal

but it could always get to the point of

no one saw with their own eyes mr.walraven ever hitting on john luce

he already said he did it when he claimed self defense

there was blood at the scene and no blood on mr walraven

he took a bath

can any officer that arrived that day testify there was in fact water in the bath tub

the water was dripping

the faucet had a drip

and my focus is on the negligence and self defense

I have a disability

he used sever negligence and I acted in self defense

okay this is more difficult than I expected

so I read to not email the judge directly

and to email the court clerk

so now i'm looking for my judge's court clerk to email

I think I may need to go to the office and ask for more specific information

like a direct email address to court clerk to make sure my judge views the document

Okay I believe I have enough evidence now

And I'm planning to email and have a physical copy

To attempt to file a motion of dismissal 

As far as finding more evidence we're now at farfetched scenarios like religion 

I plan on keeping this no longer than four(4) pages

I do not plan on repeating myself

I'm going to edit some of my recent posts

Then combine and refine them into 4 pages

Detailing 

I am asking for a motion of dismissal 

My evidence of number twos negligence 

My effort to keep the peace

And ultimately ending in my charge

I'll email this directly to the judge

And I'll take physical copies of the transcript to the court hearing

I need to find the correct format to email text to the judge

After I'll be ready to start writing

Biblically 

At the end of time god hung the devil by the neck on a tree known as the tree of life

The devil survived using the noose as a teather draining life from the tree

Bird came which would now call sheep people that got offended and wanted to help

God had left to be with his kids

But was killed from hanging another man

This is where we start

God is now killed and the devil is worshipped as a god

So it's then the fight between the devil who is now known as God by the sheep and bird

And god himself is now known as the devil for killing a man

So we stick them in a house together

Make god himself work for the devil

All along knowing he is greater than the other man god Dakotah #2 playing as the man that got hung by God then turning into God from being kept alive using the noose draining life like a tether from the tree

It's a pretty simple section of the book

Bird or sheep is the common people that change everything that gets changed when something triggers them

I never had people on my side before

Then I did

Then I knew what Dakotah was fighting for

His life

That you were trying to steal you sick motherfucker

Now it's not an attempted murder yet

By the book we've proven Dakotah is an angel

And he has been killed by you before

That's not being killed that's being murdered 

We've known this for 20 years

Then you make Dakotahs dad and grandma attack him while you sick back and relish in it

Sick ass rapist

So now you've got away with serial murder and serial rape

And Dakotah is still an angel fighting for his freedom

Without getting biblical or looking towards religion 

Keeping this fair and clean in a court room scenario 

What the fuck do we have here 

Where are we going next in this sequence of heinous events

This is where we're at

He did all of that to make it work with you

I know and that's where I lose it

He did everything to still have some respect for you

I know and I always make him out to be crazy and need help

So he's doing everything he can think to get along

And your turn getting along into something entirely different sexual

Is there anything good about you at all #2

Besides a historical feud 

He's trying everything 

You're getting worse

He realizes you are never going to help out and are a sick person

He defends himself by rendering you unconscious 

He goes to jail

You try to do worse to him like it just started at getting hit in the head

He keeps defending himself

And through a process of elimination brings all the heinous things you've been doing to light

Then what

What happens after that 

Does Dakotah go to prison

Do you turn yourself in to prison

Do we ever learn what was actually going on with you besides sick games

The only bad part about weed is somehow it magically goes missing

Buy two ounces turn around for 2 mins then it's half an ounce 

Buy an ounce then turn around look back and it's like from 28 grams to 8 grams

Only smoking like once since you got it and only smoking like .8 of a gram

Then if you need it as medicine or have enough money

You buy enough to overcome the "water weight" even making multiple trips a week to get more

It's honestly like someone is sucking it out of your system

Like clearly no one is going in your jar and taking it

But leave the house for 5 mins and half is gone

It could be someone walking in and taking it

But it really feels like someone is thinking so hard it just vanishes sucking it with their ass or whatever lol

I'm glad I'm finally off of weed and can speak about this from a weed sober perspective 

If feels like your buying 3 ounces a month and someone is getting an ounce and a half that thinks some wild thing about you

I definitely am glad I don't put up with that

Then you have time sinks

Like a boss that wastes time on the couch before the job and 1 min starts to feel like 1,000 hours

Then you run out of two weeks of smoke in like 2 days

Because the boss gets dependent on you smoking

But you can't stop because you smoking is what keeps you having a little decency for your boss

I'm so glad I overcame those scenarios 

They thought he had too much money for weed

They thought he didn't have enough money for weed

He needed to not go broke

He already was broke

She was ruining his life

They think it's not a medicine it's a problem

When is the marijuana abuse going to end

When are y'all going to see the third side

He needed weed he self medicated and it worked

He needing it primarily to be okay with #2

Now he's been off of weed for two years and he can say he's happier smoking cigarettes 

Now we can talk about how Texas changed a dedicated weed smoker to a happy cigarette smoker but what's the point

At least say he had plenty of money to smoke and it was the right thing to do to have a happy family in one house for as long as he did

He never skipped cooking for the fam doing his chores or going to work

And the same beer and liquor which he still likes but it's been 2 years since he's drank

Mom not doing good

It's like she is losing power from me moving out and gaining the ability to put what she does that I don't like in words

I can finally see what I didn't like

First of all

All those years of eating out specially taco bell

When she would get the first bite way before me and I thought we were eating together 

I finally realized 

She never ate with me once

She ate by herself like she was eating alone with me at the table

It always upset me how the food worked like a magnet to her mouth

You know we get the two or three bags

Sit on table then a nugget or french fries goes in her mouth as she's looking who's hamburger is who's

Taco bell was the worst and most often

If I thought we were eating together at the house

She would already have her taco out half way devoured driving on the road

I made stew tonight

And I cooked it for 3 times as long as I usually do usually 2 hours tonight 6 hours

Then she knows I'm not eating because I'm waiting for her

She got here and waited an hour before she ate and made me eat alone before she got a bowl

Then it's she's the most selfish 

But her biggest pet peeve is people not being selfish 

It's always her her her in her world she always comes first but is the first to complain when others do the same thing

Hypocrite 

Then it's some issue wher she's having me in a sick way but it comes down to drugs just as obvious as I can be

Then it's a Hollywood movie and watching someone that I don't even know if she loves can't tell in her own way maybe but it's more like she just got stuck in a prison cell

I love my mom

I've been through too much with her and grown to not be able to say that

But I see these things now

The worst is having her feel like she's behind and can't afford to live on her own

Like I did for so long

And staying with #2

If I was her I would of already knocked him unconscious went to jail got out and had a new apartment literally 

That she's still just taking #2 the way he comes

Food is the biggest thing

Hypocrite is another thing

But feeling unable to get away and beiny stuck and living in hell

That's pathetic 

And no one can tell her anything about that

Because it's too sensitive of a situation 

It's like living with someone committing suicide actively 

She's had signs of a minor cold the past few days

I bought her some DayQuil today

She was eating the stew like It was the first bites of food she's had in decades like she had a gun to her head sniffling like she was holding back tears but crying while she ate

I keep telling myself

He's not God

He's not a slave driver

He's fucked in the head and he lives post mortem

Why is all the mental warfare and games he plays not getting him removed from society 

Because he only does it in what he calls his house

Who's rule book we using

Because if anyone not from that group was to do that stuff they'd be stopped in less than days

Then it's literally being ruled by a corpse

And feeling less and listening to a corpse

for example

his thing is he copied a speech I made verbatim in a court scenario

then when I said my speech it was right after him and I got a plagiarism mark

he has that window of time ahead of me in court

then he wants to start bashing the system put in place

but that's on my line

so I cut the line because that's what all my council/therapist/shrink/psychiatrist say to do when I hear the voices try to ignore them or let them go

then it's over and we get no where on that line of thought

bashing the system as in how did he get through then explaining what's wrong with the system

but we never get there because I take an injection that stops that conversation

and it would piss me off to the point of death to be involved as a third party in first person

you know you have the man at

he's a rapist he's a pedophile he's a dope he's a addict he's a sorry piece of shit

he started the fight he cornered me he plays mind games he's a 

I did it because I felt threatened to get away safely

he was ruining my life he was treating me like shit

and still.    .    . nothing

I did it for self defense.    .    

nothing...

you must go before a jury of your peers and they must all agree if one does not mistrial

and if this happens three times prison

.    .

what if he buys a peer my peers all need money more than oxygen

which brings us to when I was about 4 years old

I wanted a girlfriend my age but I wanted to have my way with her

I magically found hand cuffs which I did not know what they were

I put them on myself which leads to a whole other story

but aside from that story

the cops came and took the handcuffs off

but #2 just saw the cops holding the handcuffs on me

do you think he would of looked away where do you think he was looking from do you think this story is even real

so then #2 was an enemy of the state but he was state of the art

so now we are at john is a murder but he can only be caught by explaining himself to his victim who survived via god almighty then knocked him unconscious for his self defense

and we're trying to get #2 guilty of murder via john in the schizophrenic's head that he has to translate out loud or in text

to finally not need #2 in our life

and to finally get dakotah free to drink his beer smoke his weed go outside after 10 not have to report life a free life and get told he did the right thing

we're at having the murder talk via the schizophrenic's head to translate to text or word to find #2 guilty

don't lock your door at night

get a job  I CANT kill yourself

John you can't blame dakotah for that he was god  that's god talking to you not dakotah

you made dakotah and god split up when you took away his nipple and never gave him his ass

he split god

he had the chance to be god

he wasn't good

he lives knowing he could of been a good god but he couldn't do it

so what the devil

more commonly the anti christ

WHICH IS WHAT I SAID WHEN I CALLED 911 ON HIM AT LEAST TWICE TO THE POLICE OFFICER

WWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY BEFORE ALL OF THIS

are you happy ?

well it's not that we don't believe you

it's that that has nothing to do with this(this entire legal issue the trials the case the hearing)

oh wait.    . it does have something to do with this

yes ! english is my first language but I guess i'm just not that good at it

this is me explaining why my plea for self defense is an appropriate and suggested route to evacuate the situation I was stuck in via the person whom self defense was used against from all his conditions

I remembered her name !

So we know Dakotah and Ashley 

But another one is Cassie

I'm still trying to remember more of their names

Gonna do a write up on all rema excluding prime weapons and aeonic weapons 

Going over all rema weapons to do a process of elimination to find what I would want the most

I've done this in the past with relic weapons at no avail

So now we're going over all rema excluding prime and aeonic

Prime I'm pretty much locked in with the horn for brd

The process of obtainment 6 months of sortie is a little out of my comfort zone

Aeonic is more about getting the manpower less about spending gil

I'm going to list all weapons I do not have

Then write a small description on how it would help, alternative weapons like ambu, if it's worth it to me to spend the gil on the weapon. Things of this nature 

Relic

Empy

Mythic

Off the bat without doing any cross examinations 

I think caladbolg would be the best weapon to get overall 

Relic i think Mandau would be best choice

Mythic i would like ryunohige the most for the wyvern 2-3 but Im pretty sure shinning one is just as strong if not stronger than ryunohige

It's going to be a quick write up of the cross examination

Relic

Claustrum gungnir bravura Mandau spharai mjollnir Ragnarok kikoku

Looking at gungnir or Mandau all others not something I want

Kikoku I like but I'd rather go kannagi

Empy

Caladbolg kannagi ochain twashtar farsha 

Not typing the full empy name list 

Verethragna masamune ukon and calad being the big hitters. I'm not crazy about mnk sam or war but I do like dark

Nin kannagi another strong weapon but I'm kinda over nin

90 -> 99 ochain is just for def and no it's smart but expensive 

Farsha would be cool but I already have and I'm kinda over getting everything 

Twashtar for offhand so it's great for that but meh

This is putting me at caladbolg 

Mythic 

Ryunohige is the only one I see

I don't see the other ones as something I want

Sooooo cross examination results

No relic 

Caladbolg 

Or ryunohige 

Caladbolg can take apocalypse spot

Ryunohige could be better than shinning one

Lower ws damage higher was frequency good for CP/EP maybe not for nms

Caladbolg is the stronger of the two weapons

So going through all 54 weapons

Caladbolg is the next weapon I want to build the most

But caladbolg being 100% honest doesn't interest me THAT much it's a ehhhh yaaaa

So I'm at the point of being done making new weapons

I don't want any more

So #2 is now causing more issues as usual

Well now 

He's shitting in my old restroom

Asking if the room is clean

Getting the roof worked on

And the best

He's now putting everything in the garage on a trailer and hauling it off

I have several things in the garage I don't want to lose

My truck tires and my fishing equipment 

He's not worked on the fence like he said he was going to for 5+ years

He's not got rid of the storage unit like he always says is next

He won't ask my sister to do anything but he questions her and I'm sure tells her to tell my mom to do things

He's acing like my mom and sister are his slaves

And he's the slave leader 

That's another reason why I knocked him unconscious 

And it's always been like that

Right at the moment things calm and you get a breathe of fresh air he's right there with another master plan

Why does he get to call the shots if he's doing everything wrong. What's the rush

Is he trying to sell the house does he want everyone out

What is the goal of doing all this pissing people off

I'm just glad I got out as soon as I did

I'm 34 my mom is 54

If I befriended a 60 year old with a 21 year old daughter and a 1 year old grandson 

The grandsons grandma 60 would be older than his great grandma 54

 a muse

he's highly religious

which religion

sounds like he's a god

*********************

ya like I said

dakotah is too high in rank

to realize there's nothing to do to go further to move up

he can't do more because it's brickwalled

he can't solo he can't do events

he is for lack of better words stuck unless someone offers a pt or event

and that only happens when someone above him does something

it's all a chain of events

rank 12 and like 150 total is crazy

I'm and Ashley 

And ya Dakota looked like that too

Idk if u knew Ashley and Dakotah were best friends

Now you know

Dakota could drain anyone of their money instantly

I was bad but I destroyed families 

I don't go after Mexicans that was misty and it was Barney

Dakota wanted to get put in bad situations because she liked that 

Money wasn't even a concern it was so easy to get

What about getting kidnapped or raped

Never happened just was in that scene so often it literally never happened

I'm sure Dakota is still out taking money from people

I found a home I like

That's the cheer team

I'm running simulations to find names 

It's like

But what could her name be

Dakota and Ashley sure

But then the list of names she's not until you find more she could be

Emma 

Ashlyn

Sayde

I'm your hooker

Boy you should of got to know me in the hottest girl you've ever seen in your eyes

Gaby

Kendell maybe

Karolyne no

Emily maybe

Emmi maybe

Karly no but she is one

That look

The look I go after every single time

It's a Dakota or an Ashley 

Emma usually 

Karly is the most present right now

Kennedy yeah sorta

Still going with Dakota and Ashley 

But I want to find the names of a girls on a few one the older cheer teams

But it'll be a job finding those

It's usually Ashley and Dakota 

But there's a few others that fit in just about right there

A Katie

No one can deny Karly is doing it but she's more Daytona and that perfect but we're looking for more 8 mile with Daytona sub

Like Texas but Florida but Chicago 

The look

 so what I gather

they're alive because of you like an aura

but they also fight and die

but everything has other meanings

like they can die several times and get different results

but it's all part of a timeline

what a man sees on his side 

what is life

he let her drown

i wouldn't shock her

where is the moral compass

it's like how many licks

 a carnival ride line that leads to ones death

all having that in common

bullshit

watching scary movies on pluto tv

what lies beneath rn

48 has been my magic number for a good relationship

but when I realized I can go a little older to 50s and 60s

and get a grandkid and daughter it makes me excited

I could be 31 dating a 60 year old

and have a 21 year old daughter and 1 year old grandson

this is going to work a little different but i'll explain

I explained by saying the line above

of course i'm on crack

and I got embarrassed for you not being on crack

and you pondered the idea of making fun of me for not understanding how I explained like that and that I do crack while I was feeling bad for you for not doing crack

I know what's next

I look at girl brush their hair

in their underwear

well I'm not talking to him

he's speaking dope

not spitting fire

speaking dope

you know ivermectin the magic medicine that gained popularity during covid-19 times

okay that comes from a medicine they give to livestock to keep the meat edible

among people with livestock, it was known as dope

and humans could eat that bucket of paste

and it was doping

and some people would lose all their mind and money but get stronger with each dope up

that's what we know today as ivermectin

did you know a massive percentage of the population is too large to use even extra showers and bath tubs due to money issues but mostly a size of growth when working at the jobs that need to be done and including keeping belongings safe

meaning most big workers bathe in stock tanks

it doesn't take much more than 6 foot 230 to be larger than most bath tubs and showers

and you have people a foot and a half taller and 200 more pounds

YES quickly take a hit of cigarette  awwwwwwh

that means you're part of a sham

cancer

no I don't think so

you don't have to smoke to get cancer look at all the kids that have it on tv

#2 reading page

"But that is me" in an underwhelming thought

Voice from beyond #2 you're no longer a redneck

#2 shouting that's great like it was a struggle filled life long battle to not be a redneck 

Voice from beyond ooooo that's actually the redneck reaction false alarm people

#2: if that's the mange I put in it can't get out

#2 were not animals we know how to cure mange it's the lesser of two evils

#2: no it's bad news

Bird flu

Avian flu we already had it this year seen the price of eggs

#2: yeah what I said bad news

Okay pause for a second

What language is the man speaking

That's why he was your hero

Sounds like an 80s thriller

My nipple is so soft ooo I'm dead I can feel it

Grabs hand caressing nipple turns hard

I'm alive ! You brought me back to life

I have to pee

This is a personal vendetta
John has picked on me since I was five
I have the mental illness schizophrenia
He started a mental fight

    

    He wanted to kick me out of the house while saying he would never go that far but it got worse by the day
his jobs up to three+ times a week would take so long to get to from him wasting time on the couch I would run out of my medicine before every job being one of the most conservating on marijuana users using store bought thca this is to be actively and in the right state of mind with my injection and illness.

the difference in this injection and the one I was on was massive this one is much better.

    My grandma passed and she's the one that helped us stay happy it's been 3 years today

25 years of going through this with john when I realized he wasn't going to change and he's only going to get unreasonably harder I couldn't take it 

from calling me the shit eating kid with the shit eating grin at as young as 5 years old and just always treating me different

    I've been told to say it was a personal vendetta long term

That day when we both sat down in front of each other he wanted me gone but he would interrupt the process of moving out he was going to make it impossible to move out and he wasn't going to stop 

when he called me in the living room
and we both had the exact same thing on our minds I know because I was thinking it and he said it out loud
something needs to change
but his version of change always got worse always a big new change

   

    my version of change was not pee as loud not hawk spit as loud not curse as loud when I am working
please don't give me jobs. This is exactly when I knew he wouldn't change in any of the ways I was asking. I was just playing his game at that point
     I decided to take a leap of faith that what I was doing would be considered self-defense knowing I would be in my room perfectly fine again until he went on another tyrant if something didn't change

knowing he would do one of his mind games and keep playing until I lost my mind again and he would get to tell me something needs to change? Telling me something needs to change because I'm being closed off and all around irritated so short then giving me a job

    my issue with getting probation being revoked is I smoked to calm my schizophrenia to someone with schizophrenia it's like all the oxygen is sucked out of the room and you are a fish in a fish tank fighting to breathe I smoked and that's all I did that went against my probation I stopped this after the mhmr injection started to work a month or two after my first injection. I understand this disobeys the rules and i'm asking for this to be seen past and consider what I have wrote above

    I'll also mention I called 911 several times on john luce never getting any help with the situation. I get the injections to be more okay with my life and I don't want to be a problem or cause issues or harm to anyone. The furthest I could get in making it better was just call 911 again or walk away preferably walk away, well when there's no where you can go to get away and he is always a footstep noise away from waking up on the living room couch. It's a bad place and it isn't right. Life just always feels like he's stalking, and you never get away. Working and going backwards.

 about to write a post about the whole story again and it's going to be the one I use for my next court date

first doing another write up on relic weapons

claustrum melee blm meh when I already have drepanum

spharai last

mandau could be cool

rag meh not interested much would be good for war

bruv really like the ws animation but already have chango

gung I like this one but it's not as good as shining one so ehhh

kikoku again I like this and I have no good katanas for nin but still again meh

mjollnir melee whm could be fun

this is a longterm vendetta

he has picked on me since I was five

I have the mental illness schizofrania

he started a mental fight

he wanted to kick me out of the house he never said he would do that but it got worse by the day

his jobs up to three times a week would take so long to get to from him wasting time on the couch I would run out of my medicine before every job being one of the most conservating on marijuana my self ___ on medicine

my grandma passed and she's the one that help us happy it's been 3 years today

That day when we both sat down in front of each other he wanted me gone but he would interrupt the process of moving out he was going to make it impossible to move out and he wasn't going to stop 

25 years of going through this when I realized he wasn't going to change and he's only going to get unreasonably harder I couldn't take it 

from calling me the shit eating kid with the shit eating grin

i've been told to say it was a personal long term vendetta

when he called me in the living room

and we both had the exact same thing on our minds

something needs to change

but his version of change always got worse always a big new change

my version of change was not pee as loud not spit as loud not curse as loud when I am working

this is exactly when I knew he wouldn't change in any of the ways I was asking him to and I was just playing his game at that point

I decided to take a leap of faith that what I was doing would be considered self-defense knowing I would be locked up again perfectly fine until he went on another tyrant

knowing he would do one of his mind games and keep playing until I lost my mind again and he would get to tell me something needs to change?

I don't like soloing for cp anymore

finding groups isn't difficult it's more about luck you just have to be on when someone asks in ls

you can ask in ls but usually if people already are cping it's full or they don't want more people

now that I have so many rmea

I can't see myself building a new one even prime

I have no idea how people have completed primes or m.lvl50 jobs

gil is slow if you don't tri-box +

delve is still really good gil like it has been since release of delve but you need those extra bodies

nm camping is dead

no nms worth anything on odin asura is a little different

utsu ni dropped to 5k so bcnm40 for gil is a thing of the past

all combined with legal issues and ssi issues

I find ffxi to be a 33$ a month(if you buy the 3,000 crysta pack Like I do, eventually you get a free month)

chat app

basically paying 28$ to chat

and wait

waiting for cp or whatever

I don't do sortie odyssey omen merit bcnms any of that vagary incursion

I don't do any of that

so i'm more or less paying to chat and wait 

just waiting for when I see a party start in ls chat

no one even /checks anymore so not much point in having shiny equipment

by the day I regret ever playing ffxi

i'm spoiled on video games because of ffxi

I can't play any other game and it's like ffxi is just 0.01% all around better but that 0.01% is enough to completely ruin all other games

but then I think that's more of a no weed and no beer issue than ffxi being "better" than other video games

 Well probation got revoked

gotta see the judge next month who knows what i'm in for

ssi said I got paid too much so they taking 100$ out of my check for three in a half years

still need my ssi

makes me think of that one thing I said that one time:

"okay what I did is not that bad

I can only assume i'm being punished for having fun criminals would want to do

is anyone safe if you lose your job and have no money what happens

if you're elderly and you can't take care of yourself what happens

is the death toll the death rate really that high

because I am competent I work hard I make money and I take care of myself and I feed myself and my family

what gives

what is the deal

the way it seems there would be like a group of 8 to 12 people and that's the entire state of texas population and they're also immortal to each other"

basically

if anyone that's a hard worker and makes money runs out of money and loses their job

what happens do they just die

what about elderly if they can't take care of themself and they get their money cut off

do they just die

what happens to so many people that fall in that trap

and if they do just die

that's a very high percentage of the state that just die and would be dead

Whelp SSI is taking $96.70 out of my check for the next three and a half years 

Said I got paid 4,254.05 too much

I even feel old talking like this

From not sending in check stubs on time and when I was in jail

I legit feel like I'm 63 years old

I'm 31

All this happened after Janet was already gone

John wants to get on top of people and just fall

But you can beat him and move him

It's that simple

If he gets on top of you you can knock him out and move him

Otherwise he just stays on top and falls

dude I can't wait to smoke so I can enjoy things again

I'm finding out more every day I hate everything when I don't smoke

even ffxi is boring me

I don't care for xbox besides pluto

I don't even want to cook

I actually find the most fun thing being working and cleaning just to get it done

I don't even like taking showers right now

I'm even getting tired of vaping and cigarettes lol

so in ffxi with crafting so slow because the ah is so slow

I did a cp party on brd today and had fun so that's all I want to do now

merit bcnms, sortie, odyssey, dynad, everything really just seems like I have to do more than I want to do

xbox games seems like a waste more work than fun

I'm tired of the cold

I'm so tired of not smoking I don't even want to take a nap or sleep because I have to wake up

god i'm tired of not smoking my weed lol

I'm going to have to rebuild everything

I kinda like explaining the situation I can do that

I don't get to smoke because I beat up a man but it's not that I beat him up it's that i'm still dealing with the charge

I don't like anything because I don't get to smoke

I'm going to have to finish my charge then I get to smoke and i'll actually like going out of my way to do things again

so the whole reason it's taking so long now is because

I failed a few drug tests mind you this was before I was on my injection

not that they want to teach me to not do it again

or why it was wrong

or I'm paying to do what I did

not because they want me to get beat up by the guy I beat up

or because they want me to get old and get beat up by my grandson

that's the rules to the program

no one can change or modify the rules

no one knows why the rules are like that

rules are rules

Another night another dream

cave cherax

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qRTfhEdQGoEz8mh3O_4gBLOR45TrDUlP/view?usp=sharing 

it feels like the nazi took over and i'm a jew. it really feels like a nazi ran state.

not one day have they made this situation better

and all they are doing is showing me how the system works

it's blind it doesn't care it just wants to make criminals and make money from putting people in jail

so because my first offenders pretrial diversion was revoked

I now have a warrant for my arrest

but I have a court date to see the judge

bondsman said to not worry about the warrant

like no one is in control and it's a blind line of people to their doom

when does it ever get better lol

okay what I did is not that bad

I can only assume i'm being punished for having fun criminals would want to do

is anyone safe if you lose your job and have no money what happens

if you're elderly and you can't take care of yourself what happens

is the death toll the death rate really that high

because I am competent I work hard I make money and I take care of myself and I feed myself and my family

what gives

what is the deal

the way it seems there would be like a group of 8 to 12 people and that's the entire state of texas population and they're also immortal to each other

I'm not learning what I did was wrong or how to not do what I did

I'm learning how to get out of trouble and work the system from weird things the system is having me do

why the hell do I need to learn to make hooch why do I need to smoke cigarettes why do I have to do all this extra stuff besides someone asking:

you know what you did now are you going to do that again

i've gotten away from the man I did it to and I never plan on being put in that situation again

free to go

you know all I am learning is the system at this point

I love my state are they trying to make me a felon or enemy of the state

what gives san angelo

are yall trying to knock me out unconscious so it's 1 to 1

are yall trying to have me be a dick and get knocked out unconscious by my grandson that's a man and takes care of his family in our house

it's like them asking if I know what I did and me saying yes then am I going to do it again no

is too good

WHAT DO YOU WANT IF THATS NOT ENOUGH lol

i've paid money i've worked i've done all that

how does paying money and working make the situation right or better ???

to be literally perfect

i've been told I was perfect my entire life and everything happens for a reason

so that goes back to here we go again lol

am I learning to not do what I did again

or am I paying to do what I did

No you broke the rules

This is sick

I wasn't on my medicine yet

Rules are rules

. . . 

Okay get me someone else lol

I'm completely bored of ffxi

It's not just ffxi it's everything really lol

events I refuse to do

delve sortie odyssey dynaD

events I do from time to time

ambuscade cp dyna

events I usually do but don't seem fun anymore

digging bcnm pirates chart

events I want to do but for some reason like the ah I can't

crafting

and all of that is the entire game lol

I don't want to build a relic or work on a mythic, I have enough

I don't want to raise another chocobo, i have enough

I don't want to exemplar it's not fun

there's no mats on the ah

everything sells slow

I'm so over it

but guess what

it's still the best thing I got

doing good

I'm just trying to do good

I put my hours in at work

I pay my rent on time

and I try to save enough for food between paychecks

this is a long post putting a break here

probably a good read if you're in to what has happened and is happening in my life

 

Been busy

My Salem post plant picture broke the website 

I just fixed it

Went to work later than I usually do

Only have 4 hours until I'm done today

Did this so I could work on the website a little when I get home

Without being so tired from working a long time

Just posting a quick update 

Looks like I'm not going to be able to get off of probation early

But I can finish everything to just need to do visits

I have 30 hours out of 60 hours left of community service 

And I owe about 400 more dollars that's just one paycheck 

So probation is wrapping up

Work is going fine I pick my own hours anywhere between 11pm and 7am I came at 5:30 today

So my day is 5:30-7 work then 7:30-11 community service 

I have 8 more days of community service 

I ate a pack of hotdogs for breakfast 

Today when I get home I'm working on website cleaning apartment and trying to do some laundry 

Everything is good everything is going pretty quick

I'm happy

Community service is usually meals for the elderly and I've made friends with all the staff and have my jobs so I already know what I'm doing and how to do it

I have plenty of mousai +1 to sell it sells slow I'm just waiting for that

My next synth is the brd whistle I want a signed +1 for my bed idle set

Really like my signed mousai +1 brd 

I'll be back guys !

If anyone can think of some website improvements besides what I talk about so often

Let me know most of y'all know how to contact me 

Adding more to jobs pages

Simple cleaning up website 

Larger posts

Today I'm sitting down for about 2 hours to dedicate to upbe4t.com

Maybe a gil making section

I want to make a bone craft gil guide looking at every synth that can make gil and adding a small info section for each

Salem

I met a girl

She stole my heart and she won't give it back

She's only 8 months old but she means the world to me

Everything I see makes me think about her

I plan on spending a lifetime with this little girl

Her name is Salem

She's the sweetest friendliest most loving soul I have ever crossed paths with

She checks on me all throughout the day

And I tell her I love her as often as I can

Our love is unconditional

I recently bought her a plant

And she gets as many toys and treats as I can give as often as I can give them

No one has ever made such a large impact on me as she has in the past 8 months

Salem, you came just at the right time and I love you forever girlfriend 

I survived 

Aurg orb +1 finally sold 

My process of getting a grip on life

Okay moving all new posts nothing to see here

Drafting my last posts

Watching Logan pages 

3:12pm

Thinking about where am at what I'm doing

If I'm falling behind

If I'm good enough to enjoy the silence of my apartment 

Trying to not get in anyone's way

My apartment is being worked on so no water

Not trying to get anything else

I'm just sitting in my apartment everything is fine

I don't have a kid and that's about the only thing money is alright but I could make more

I feel good enough to enjoy the silence there's music going on outside 

Just vivid thoughts all in my head but feels like I could get in others way lol

No water is lame but im sure they'll get that going

I really wish my FFXI ah would sell

Can you believe utsu ni went from 500k to 15k

Not trying to get anything else

I have all my technology PC and Xbox

I love my cats and they love me

Other than that my biggest weakness is needing to eat multiple times a day

Everything is pretty good

Brain isn't getting enough oxygen was a heavy weed smoker and oxygen is a big part in making that stuff really packs it in

I'm not tired but I have been awake for 12 hours

Meh just running through all the tests

Tired of talking about probation 

Resting on my couch

Had a good day today took mom to buffalo wild wings

Phone really calms me

the feeling of being pushed around picked on and belittled for 25 years

being told what to do when to do it how to do it and being played with the entire time

to say enough is enough

stand up and fight for yourself

throwing that final punch that knocked the man out unconscious

then doing 600 days of punishment

and finally getting all your freedoms back and getting what you wanted the entire time

alone time

calling 911 on the man not once not twice over 6 times

going to classes getting on the injections talking to the councilor therapist shrink and psychiatrist

being 100% honest doing all the extra work

then all of it boiling down to that final punch that knocked him unconscious

cheap tricks and being left handed being old being the boss when you did nothing for the house and the people living in the house

delaying time speeding up time having all the time in the world to make a cheap trick

didn't they treat lefties different in your time

so you get to call yourself a god

you don't die

you don't protect anyone

you're not strong enough to get people that fight you to get away from you

how do you get away with having all the time in the world to sit and sulk and come up with bs

then you talk about how you are the problem

and we deal with an old man that feels sorry about themself

for what we tell you what needs to be done and you fight verbally

and people go to jail every single day for mental and verbal abuse

have you passed some test that stops you from going to jail

that's something I want to know

he's inside the house he's protected

he only leaves the house in a Twighlight he's protected

when does that motherfucker ever see the real world

when everyone else is dead broke and gone

can yall at least leave the house and let him go

or is there more to it

he'll come back as a 19 year old with a wife and be a real problem

why don't yall let him die while there's a chance

don't you see he's using yall to keep going

and he plans on yall dying off before him

25 years to finally get strong enough to put his lights out

then another 600 days of fighting all day and night

to finally not be the villain and finally get to end the fight when out of trouble from punishment

with the kids and everyone else against me

Like a divine judgement that ends at 11pm and resets at 7am every single day for 600 days

any day the judged was deemed guilty would be the last day they got to live

with 30+ court trials a day initiated at the whim of the men that was knocked unconscious for a reason

a sick game designed to make men and what show babies exist in their 80s

the list of reasons people give marijuana stigma

i've smoked long enough to look at them and laugh but I want to type out a few of them

it's illegal for x reason

they only want it for x reason

x =

to get out of work

to get dumber

to eat shit

to see nudity specifically kids

to break the law

to spend money

I just laugh because in all my years i've never actually met anyone who does it for those reasons

it's usually for y

y = 

to make money

to deal with people or situations beyond them

to help with medical reasons including mental, eating, pains, etc

to get smarter

to attempt to make legal

to have more fun

It's really sad how big this game has got in our government and it's a real learning numbers and colors thing

we all know how it goes

 I could write an essay on why I think se keeps adding content that feels like work & the decline of video games in the last decade

with the anchor point set at adoulin's delve release

a major topic being the content difficult set so high no one can do it

but that's all content now since delve

and the skill needed to "finish the game" pre delve vs post delve

skill used lightly because what it actually comes down to is getting bodies and usually it's people multi boxing

so if you play one character the hardest content is always the content that requires 3+ to enter

ffxi is a video game right ?

not a job a pay to play video game not a pay to work job

why the hell do they keep making the content harder since delve

why is it not more reliable more easy to do and fun

what is se doing to me

It has been too long without marijuana

ffxi is the only game I can play and that's just to watch ls chat

no tv or movies no youtube

everything is so dry

it's like it's all designed for the dry and salty flavor oriented people

I can't just sit and do nothing

I can eat all day but I don't want to spend all my money on food

all I'm doing is putting pluto on xbox and smoking cigarettes

speaking if which it's time for another cigarette

I'm so tired of cigarettes lol hahahahaha

god if it wasn't for having a set amount of time I can work because of ssi

i'd just work 24-7

if I have to wait the entire 2 years of my probation even though I finish everything in 1 i'm going to be so broken and bummed

about to do some pirates charts maybe go digging after

i've got a long time to find stuff to do

i'm too active to not do anything I can only sleep so much

maybe I need to buy some sleeping supplements

something I can take to sleep more

I don't know what to do with myself until I get off of probation

I want a beer I want to smoke and I want a bath all at the same time

I tried to watch weed videos on youtube and I found it too early to start watching that stuff again

then I wanted a dab

I'm SO going to buy a thca vape pen immediately

I eat a ton then I take a poop then I relish in a post poop afterglow

someone sold a aurg orb +1 before mine sold so now I have to wait another 2 weeks for one of those to sell and it probably won't be mine again

I'm almost at the point of working on my websites because time is moving so slow and I have nothing to do

Everything after delve is things I do not like or plan on doing unless carried
don't like omen, don't like odyssey, don't like sortie, don't like exemplar, don't care for a prime

don't like ambuscade much, don't like htbf

done with rmeas done with cp done with missions

haven't even started the voracious resurgence

fine with not having bis sets

I like crafting I don't like that nothing sells

I like fishing and chocobo digging

I don't like that no fish sells and I don't like how long it takes to dig or how you need a perfect chocobo

 

I bought chili cheese dog mats and a 20 pack of coca cola

Ate 3 and drank 4 so far

Watching the walking dead on Pluto 

Got a probation visit tomorrow 

Literally nothing has sold in weeds on ff11 I'm so fed up

I really need weed or mushrooms to enjoy that game and I'm spoiled from the game I can't play anything else

I've spent too much of my money irl to get my fees paid off quickly but it's just another two week delay yuck

It's okay though 

I get to talk to my officer in the morning and she's going to tell me everything 

Jumping around on my topic

I can't believe nothing has sold such bs lol