Salem p meow whiskers walraven may be my

Little girl

Girlfriend 

Daughter 

Love

Pepperoni pizza pants

But she's also my best friend

Great.

Now I have to do all this probation and I'm not even going to get to smoke when I'm done

Texas banning thca

What a move backwards 

And they say the reason is because it made so many other things legal like mushrooms 

All depends on one person's signature or vito

I was getting ready for something bad to happen and I had already seen Texas banning thc but didn't think much about it because THC is already banned

But thca too is so weak

If it does happen

I have like nothing to look forward to lol

No rush at all to finish probation and get back to smoking weed lol

So it all comes down to Greg abbott

If I get to legally buy my weed from a store

Or have to use a shady drug dealer to get admittedly better but completely illegal weed

Let's just say I have am and cs done

I'll then have

1 visit a month

1 home visit a month

Pay my fees 50+60+15(125) 

900 on court making 400 a month spending about 80 on probation that's 320 to spend so 320+320+320= 960 3 months done

Then down to 75 a month

After 3 months

Reason I'm doing the math today

I get a ride to cs from a coworker and she's not in the best of health

I feel stretching it out doing bare minimum is not a good choice because she could stop going to work any day

And I'll lose my ride

So I'm thinking 3 or 4 days a week 4 weeks a month

If I go 4 days a week for 4 weeks that's 16 times

Or 56 hours

Only needing 120 hours

Two months alone makes 112 hours plus my 10 hours I have now finishes me

I think it is a great idea

So my goal is 3 months to have

Am cs court cost all done

Then I'll only have

1 visit a month

1 home visit

75$ a month fees

Then at that point it's saving up money to finish paying it all

If I make 400$ a month

And Ill owe around 1200

That's around 3 months but I'll already have hit my limit on what I can pay

So realistically like 6 months to save up all the money while still spending money on food and household products 

In 6 months it'll be December 

So by December literally everything is done

Then it's just going to visits and having home visits 

Staying clean

By may 2026 it'll be a year

Then I have an entire year

Of just 1 visit and 1 home visit per month

I'll have enough money to pay it all off by December 2025 

So that's 12 visits

Then may 2027 I'll be 100% done

My question on my last visit is

So can I have a beer now

Once I finish all my final paper work

Then the first thing I'm doing is smoking weed lol 

May 2025 I'm 31

May 2026 1 year I'm 32

May 2027 2 years I'm 33

July 2027 I'm 34

I get off just a few months before my 34th birthday and I'm 31

It seems like 3 years but it's just because I started in May not January 

I turn 32 in 45 days

And I get off when I'm 33

But it's like right before I turn 34

Still 32 in 45 days and I get off when I'm 33

In our reality

It seems like if nothing happens there's a push

Like once all is done

Wham

Like the boat at the carnival 

Eventually it stops rocking and just sits

But the instant you move to get off

It starts rocking again

Throwing you back down and forcing you to sit back in the boat seat

Like we can go far in our dreams or whatever

But eventually it's going to stop and we're going to try to get off the ride

But that's right when the ride starts up again

We're a little upset but just do what we've always done get up brush ourselves off and sit back down

And this same scenario keeps playing out

Where it's keeping us going

But it's even explaining itself as it goes differently 

And each explanation is entirely different 

Explaining what is happening from life itself

It starts off like inside a volcano 

Then the volcano loses its heat and everything is stagnant and cools

Then you try to exit

And the mere thought of action after the exit

Turns a section of inside the volcano 

To a pendulum 

Then it's like watching a clock that starts at 6 and goes back and forth from 6 to 3 to 9 then 6 to 3 to 9

Like the boat at the carnival 

Then eventually you do so many of the cools to resprings

Even you catch onto the game

Then your jolted awake

And it's not bad you're happy to be awake

And you enjoy being awake

But you could just as easily go back to sleep

And keep having the exact same cooling trying to get off and restarting of a new event

Like how people make such a big deal about events or movies or games

Waiting months or years

I never got that

I try to now that I'm older

But I never bought into the hype or found a reason

Now I believe it's just good for several benefits a little pep in the step something to plan a bbq for whatever

I always thought getting good grades to get a good job

Was a bad idea

Because jobs come and go

And it's not worth crunching so hard in school to get a job then lose it then start over like none of it ever happened

Like at a job a million things can go wrong where you lose it or if you make your own business a million things can go wrong where you have to spend more than you ever made

I never really bought into the job thing

Never believed in it

Had all types of family members 

Those that didn't work at all and always had the most money but were the tightest with their money

Those that worked very hard but were very carefree with their money but expected it to be fair

Those that worked even harder but never had a dollar

And it all just seems like bs

I never thought I could have my own apt and pay my bills and hold a job

But I've done it the past several years

I kinda always thought I would keep my YouTube job and just make videos

I had been doing that since high school making more money than anyone else I knew

But that ended

Then there's drug dealing which I always said was to pay for college and that worked

Because I'm done with college and I don't sell stuff anymore

I guess if I did have a better job it would be software engineer 

I really like coding and programming 

But I find small jobs more work to find the job no so much do the job

And I find getting an actual spot to be very confusing

If it was like removing viruses and planning a windows environment that isn't bad

But when people talk about full stacked programs and pulling into from a database and using GitHub to save versions and blablabla

That's just not my thing

I like making cool stuff

And releasing it for free with no ads

Just to get my name out

That works great for what I do

I could pull like 150k 250k 400k from software engineering 

But my main thing is I don't want to be tethered

I don't want to have due dates

I don't want to be responsible and have people depend on me

I want to be the most free and abled to do nothing for several months in a row

And a job just doesn't fit that criteria 

Pretty brutal parenting

To be like

You better get on psychedelics and develop psychosis 

Then get diagnosed with schizophrenia

Then get SSI and snap asap

Even if you only work 3 hours a week that's fine

Get your own place and be happy

To be like that with my kids

Knowing it's about the only way they're going to make it with my genes in this world

I got diagnosed with it

Half the work is done

You just say your dad carries it too

I never took school seriously 

I kinda did think I would live in a cardboard box

My senior year I only had to take two classes and I got out before lunch going straight home to play FFXI

I work 4 hours a week

And I make 11$ an hour

But I get SSI and snap

I really cannot imagine a better life or I would be doing it

Sure I could work at jobs with 50 60 hours and make 5k 10k a week

But think of all that could go wrong

I empty trash cans and reline them

Literally nothing can go wrong

I get paid because I have a disability 

And I get food

I can eat any day of the week at a church

Everything is in walking distance 

I always thought it would be bad

Never really considered it being this good

I thought I would have some job my grandparents or parents got me and forced me to do

But nope

Basically did it all on my own

Never needed to take school seriously 

Always knew it wouldn't matter

Really can't imagine what my peers that did try so hard would be doing for work because they got such good grades 

Obviously it's not much work and just getting money

What people with money call a good job

Work smarter not harder bs

a sophomore doing all that lol

ap

definitely an ap kid thing no one else going to do all that

 

the guy came off as completely untouchable

he would drink and drive

he would pressure to work for him

fairness was always in his favor he could never agree on others terms

take 11$ and buy a 6 pack you get three I get three well I drove and bought it you drink slow can I get 4

that would end in having something taken away

he asks you to forge legal documents like it's no big thing doesn't tell you what the forge is for

and when you say no he throws a tantrum

he played the big man but when anything was needed he would go small

he made such a big deal about things like property tax

but he would make 3 girls sit at home with no ac in texas

you could call the cops 10+ times on him for making you angry they would do nothing

you could try to get him sent to retirement or nursing homes no one would do anything

he always had money to pay for things at the house or on the vehicles

but he never just had money

but he always had money

he couldn't see you were working and making money

and his jobs were making you lose money

lose all your medicine and lose your mind having to plan your days to work for him and not get any of your stuff done

his same argument something needs to change

and you ask nicely pee outside(30 min pees) try not to shout cuss words at the tv dont drink at the house no more jobs I have to work or i'll go no where in life

and of course all that gets pushed to the side he wants you to change for him not him to change for you

get told your mom and sister are fat pieces of shit and you are a joke

tell him you don't like when he talks like that and don't like he won't change

and he goes off the edge about how weak of a sissy you are for even considering him changing

always being the big man for a second then going back to be a little man

he asks what he can do to make you happy

you request money for your medicine

he disowns you for smoking weed basically calls it your drugs

he gives you money once

but does all his stuff again

and won't even give when you really need it

which is pretty often

everything comes down to going to work with him

you buy an ounce and over half the ounce is gone by the time you finish work

in a matter of like 4 days

smoking wrong

not smoking and being done

you stop smoking and are getting angry at everything

you stop drinking and hell is let loose

he gets to drink all day long and has money to do that

you have no money left

you paid bills you bought food

and you got zero fun

you've had enough of him being untouchable

you finally take a step forward and get that change that both of you want

he doesn't want to kick you out because you work

but he does want to kick you out so you can grown up

but while he is going through both of those

he's getting harder on you by the day

eventually you get away

don't have to smoke or drink

all money goes to bill

but at least in less than 2 years you can get back to having your own fun

which you might not even like anymore 

but odds are you'll love it more than you ever did

you never need to deal with him again

you finally got away

for any hardcore readers of my website

you've probably seen me talk about all the good and all the bad about going to jail

having 3 meals a day brought to you

getting to have an entire group of men to think with

an entire group of men to watch tv with

getting to go outside and play

risking losing your hearing to all the loud noises

all the weird rules you would never know

being treated like a dog for the most part

having to be locked in rooms with others

but the funny thing is

if you go for violence like I did

for someone that has "bad roomate behavior"

you'll get in your first room

that has a rule obsessed person a cool person and a weird person

then second room is a cool old guy that gets grumpy a quiet guy and a crazy guy that claps in his sleep and collects toilet paper they'll all help you but basically the old guy can't hear the guy clapping and it's all you hear when you try to sleep and he does it basically like it is your thought process he is playing clap on clap off with

then the third room

is a guy that licks his lips all night another quiet guy and a guy that humps the bed staring at you like he's going to get you

basically all you wait for is the doors to open so you can run

then you get the guy that's not in your room but is wildly addicted to you to the point any free time he is by you to the point you eat your ramen in the shower to get away from him lol

but like what you didn't like about your house

making noise, loud, weird, weird rules

all that you didn't like that made you fight and wind up in jail

it all shows itself again but it's people you don't have much say over and can ask to change but that's just light it doesn't mean much

the bad roommate would pee for 30 mins straight

then in jail you'll have someone in your room that pees for 45 mins straight

your bad roommate will wake you up during the night

but in jail you'll have someone in your room that keeps you up literally all night long

your bad roommate has his weird rules

but in jail you'll get someone that makes up 10x more rules

BUT you don't have to walk around like you love them

you don't have to love them they're not family

and that small thing not having to love them

is what changes everything

you realize you had to love that bad roommate and you do not need to love this group of people

then you get out and it's forced 100% you can have zero contact

and that's like the greatest day ever

all you wanted was to be left alone

I 100% support fighting back

if you were in the situation I was in

I would probably suffer some massive issue and be stuck in invalid bedrest living some sick dream

I fought back

and my life is basically perfect

I got out of all my trouble

I got it good now because I did fight back

and even the state of texas respects that

sure you become a statistic

but it is good

sure if you can just move on out on your own that's the best thing

I didn't think I could do that

but I went to jail and right when I got out I got an apt

I love my life now

I got no one pushing me around making me work for them and being complete hogs

eating my food telling me things I can and can't do

taking my money

taking my medicine

I'm so happy I don't even need to drink or smoke

basically if you were at where I was at

first I would say just move out

but second if you can't which I really didn't think I could

consider fighting back

you become a statistic

but it sure got a hell of a lot better for me

Today I realized I smoke a cig every time I think about smoking weed

I don't even think about

the smoking the weed

I just think about what I used to feel

then I feel anxious

it feels like I can't breathe because i'm so excited to smoke weed

then I smoke a cig and i'm good for an hour or so

taking a few months break from ff11

was fun getting to play as an elvaan for half a month

there's just too little to do in game to justify playing the 28$ a month

the working for gil then risking making none and wasting time

the taking time to sell stuff to make gil for gear upgrades

the waiting all day for a cp/ep pt and only pting for an hour or so

it's just not worth it and all feels like a waste

I can sit in a dark apartment and feel like i'm doing just as much

It is tuesday

I don't have anything on monday

I pay rent on first and already have my rent money

I need to cancel my internet account the price went up from 30$ to 45$ to 70$

and I don't want to spend 70$ a month on internet

when I can pay 30$ for my phone and can pay 60$ on my phone for unlimited hotspot/internet + some other free stuff like disney+ while it lasts

my next am class is on the 9th and my next visit is on the 9th

I have to pay my fees before the 10th 

so I could do that on the 9th

but i'll probably go to cs and pay early

probably wednesday and thursday

I'm happy with doing bare minimum(3 times a month)

I could try to get it all done quick I just don't want to be that tired honestly maybe when I get closer to finishing

I've only gone 3 times I need to go like 32 more times lol

But I have 12 months total and it's only 3 times a month

I have all my money together to pay for probation fees

50 court

80 probation

100 am class

then I get paid on thursday and that's all going towards phone

as long as I can get internet canceled before then I really don't want to pay internet anymore

so when I get to that i'm just saying I can't afford it anymore which is very true

once I get am paid off

all my extra money goes towards court cost

zero chance of me smoking or drinking

I'm happy without that right now and feel strongly that i can make it the entire time

such a weird requirement but it is what it is

runing some number crunching

if I get 300$ a month

80 goes to probation, that's 220 to spend

900 left on court that's 220 220 440(2)880(4) then 5 1100

around 5 months that'll be nice

get court paid off as quickly as possible, even at 5 months that's not bad at all

basically want to get the am class paid off asap then the court cost paid of asap

then all I have left is:

monthly visit

home visit

and probation fee(80$ a month)

that'll leave me with like 220 a month after the 5 months

then I start saving all that for the probation fees

basically want to have 2k stashed where I can always pay a few months ahead

I'm very happy how this probation is going

I know I am going to make it at this point

nothing can stop me

I have no friend no enemies

all I do is sleep and work

I make enough money to pay for everything

i'm excited to get it done

I know what I did vs what I have had to do is well worth it

I wanted a restraining order and they tell me every visit I can't talk to the person I did it to

and he can't talk to me

so all my problems instantly went away

finish paying for am happens june

finish paying court happens november

december starts the just paying probation

still 3 times a month for the first year for cs

just drilling all this so I can run and get it all done

1 month done 23 months to go

each month is just a visit a home visit paying fee and that's it staying clean that's it

I'm 31 i'll be 33

every day is a step closer

I want to smoke but I can wait the time to get back to smoke

cigs gonna hold me over

so weird I can smoke cigs but not store bought weed lol so so strange

but I've got a positive outlook and i'm ready to do whatever to get it done without the weed until i'm done

 halo and bungie in the spotlight here recently on youtube

i've watched several videos and it definitely seems like pete parsons was the end of bungie

recently being sold to sony and having what seems like a failure last game release

I just feel it's sad when halo and halo 2 were out it is based in like 2500

and it feels like they have easily like 40+ years of content

and had plans for that long

but basically all the ogs left or got fired before they got shares and benefits

so it's like a band that none of the original members from the cds you like everyone has been replaced and you just can't listen to it

there probably will be more halos

but it's like the band where all the original members have left and it's all new people

now if the og group could get back together that would be something

seemed like parsons was just firing people for him to get more money

and it's really hard seeing the people with the vision getting kicked out the group

but the group being so toxic they not even mad to have to walk out the door

I loved halo 2 before Halo 2 I only played car games like midtown madness, need for speed, gta, midnight club, project gotham, sega gt 2002

halo 2 was my first fps and I liked halo 1 more than halo 3

I did enjoy halo reach a little

and I actually liked halo 4 a lot

none of them as much as halo 2 and halo 2 more than any of the car games or gta

but of course ffxi beta and ffxi blew all the games before and after to dust

playing ffxi beta was like an entirely new idea for video games and 20 years later it still haven't been replaced

probably never will be

before video games completely die out and we're all watching tv again like video games never happened

 lalalalala bamba lalala salem lalala poopypants, pepperoni pizza pants salemlalalala

all my issues

and i'm not even a quarter as mad as I was in my last house lol

not even 1/4

and it's hot as hell and I got bugs crawling on me the entire time i'm in my apt

and I can't even go outside past 9pm

I want a soda but I can't go out past 9pm and it's 8:57pm lol

all I got is unsweet coffee and coconut water flavoring or just plain water

and it's hot as hell in here

I had a dream last night and I was yelling "Someone call osha" "some call osha" like is this osha approved lol not working but living in an environment like this and they seem to be the people that watch over things being too far

thinking about closing my internet account and switching to better phone service

when I started with my current provider it was 35$ a month

then in 4 months they raised it to 45$ a month they said the promotional price ran out of time

now it's been about a year and they said the promotional price ran out once again

and my new bill is 70$

from 35$/month to 70$/month

rn I pay 30$ a month for phone service but if I pay 60$ a month I get free disney+ and unlimited hotspot and a new phone

I really don't want to pay 70+30$ on phone and internet

when I can pay 60$ and get the same thing

it's only 40$ but that's more than I have to just throw away rn with all my probation fees

tomorrow is a holiday so I can't take the box back

but i'm most likely going to close my account and just pay for better phone service

maybe if when I am canceling they offer the 45$ again i'd take it but I'm not even sure

I got a complete bug infestation in my apt my ac doesn't work and now my internet is doubling in price

when the ll comes to collect rent i'm definitely telling him all my issues with the place

never seen a girl age like Reagan did

this in 7 years ago:

this is in more recent years:

it looks like someone changed doctors and got off the expensive meds

like she doesn't look bad but she really doesn't look like the same person at all

which isn't the same as say logan

which also looks 100% different

but that looks like it's from stress from going to college and moving out of her parents house

where she looked so carefree and fun and now it's all buisness

with reagan it's like she was perfect

and now she's gained weight and her hair isn't as good

and I would lean towards someone not being on as good of drugs for that stuff to happen

Age forward yeah get taller more weight a little uglier 

But Reagan could of kept that look and grew up with it

Something had to of changed in her life

She already looked like she was grown up but she grew up more and it wasn't good for that specific look

 just watched a 30 min video about KenTacoHut the kfc tacobell pizzahut combination restaurant

apparently there's only one left and it's in Puerto Rico

sheeeeessshhh

at least we have a chance at rain

my apartment gets so goshdarn hot

I have no idea what to do to get it cooler

I crack the windows during the day I block out the windows with a blanket 

I open my screen window at night

I run a box fan the ceiling fan and my ac all day long

I haven't run my hot water in a solid month

I take a few cold showers a day

rn i'm draining my tote so I can take a ice cold bath

I cannot believe I'm going to have to deal with this 4 months a year

there's got to be something I can do to cool this apartment off

it's a small apartment

my best judgement tells me it would be easy to keep it cold

just nothing works to actually keep it cold

 

 I don't think i'm ever going to get a girl to just give up and have a baby with me

I think about what it takes to switch that switch in a girl that makes her ferociously protect her man at all cost

and it has to be giving up

because like we're worthless

we cook we clean we work we bring home the money we have our transportation we have our place we can afford a lot and we do a lot

but so does every male

so it has to be the female just giving up and settling with whatever they can find

somewhere around 16-35

by 40 they're working for some weird government agency to look better off while being 100% supported by the government undercover with literally no signs and just confusing everyone

looks don't matter money doesn't matter what you have doesn't matter

and you would think as little burden as possible

but it's almost like they want mor burden and stress

but to be a couple and work together to get past it and get stronger

I'm too poor to cook like a real Mexican :'(

it all looks so damn expensive

I've been watching YouTube videos to learn how to cook better mexican food

like tacos

I hate being poor because I got in trouble and all my money goes to fees and rent+bills

the tacos I make are a tortilla flaming hot onion rings boxed cheese and canned jalapenos

I don't have a blender or molcajete mortar and pestle so I have to buy premade salsa

I don't know how to make tortillas so I have to buy them

Why am I going to like the only mexican meat market store in town

and I'm eating hot dogs sandwiches and ramen noodles

there has to be something better I can make that's on budget

I want to get chips and hot sauce or guac

and I want tacos

I don't want to do steak tacos

so probably ground beef

I would make stew but I don't want to run the stove for 4+ hours to get the stew good it'll be too hot in the apt

I could do ramen + chips salsa/guac

okay

vegetables/fruit

seasonings

canned things like jalapenos and chili

oil

pickles/olives/ramen/candy

chips

cookies

drinks

that's all the main aisles

then the meat market on the back

and sandwich meat/hotdogs/chorizo and cheese on the far side

WHAT CAN I GET TO HAVE THE DEEP FLAVORFUL MEXICAN TASTE

and not spend 30$+

I'm literally cooking for one person and I don't take that much

now i'm thinking hotdogs again

only because I can just grab the hotdogs

and I don't need to ask for the ground beef for tacos

I could get hotdogs + bread for like 5$

then I can get chips and salsa for like 9$

that's like 15$ to feed myself for tonight

I think i'm going to do that

I usually get pickles when I get hotdogs

I want guac

I probably won't get out without spending like 25$

but what else could I cook for 25$ that may taste better

tablita, burgers, tacos, stew, steak, sandwiches all too expensive

I'm thinking catfish with lemons and chips salsa

I'm about to just make ramen and be done

but I want to eat good today

so I may just go out in the heat and get catfish

when my phone charges i'm going to post a pic of the paper I got in a bag with the prices

also going to post some youtube videos I have watched today

just watched video of tacos

she used turkey but i'm think ground beef

corn tortillas salsa and cheese

pretty simple recipe

I"M GOING TO DO THAT!

brb going to store

20 mins later or so

I ended up spending WAY too much but it should last me a few days

fresco cheese

2 lb ground beef

red salsa

2 bell peppers

4 limes

coconut water flavor

corn tortillas

I plan on cooking about a lb of ground beef with the bell peppers

then warming the corn torilla in the ground beef + bell pepper juice

then wrapping them up

putting the salsa and the cheese on top

squeezing a lime when it's time to devour

haven't tried the coconut water flavor yet but I bet it is good

i'll take pics

When you hear your girl that never speaks to you in English anymore on the radio station playing Mexican music

And it's like heaven and she's been waiting for you

And your belly is full from good food

hocus pocus(1993)

under wraps(1997)

halloweentown(1998)

so weird(1999)

don't look under the bed(1999)

phantom of the megaplex (2000)

moms got a date with a vampire(2000)

goosebumps the haunted mask(1996)

are you afraid of the dark(1990)

normalize using whatever gear you like and getting into groups that accept you for who you are

you don't have to be best in the world

if 15 str doesn't make a difference

and you pay your 33$ a month or 28$ a month

just do and wear whatever you want to

if you want to offhand a 2-4 magian weapon instead of a tp+1000 weapon

if you want to use a da/ta/qa set instead of the best single swing set

just get in the groups that accept you for you

seems like a bad design that i'm better off logging in and doing nothing

vs doing anything

if I want to make the most gil

it has been over 2 and a half yeah since I have drank or smoked marijuana religiously

I still have two years to go before I can smoke or drink

what I have learned is

life is a lot easier without smoking or drinking

even though smoking makes all the bad go away

life feels like it's a knock off

nothing feels as good as you know it could

and everything kinda seems fake or for a child toy like a toddler toy

I got my charge july 2023 now is may 2025 but I didn't smoke good for over a year before I got my charge

I was buying what I could and even if it was like half an oz

it would all be gone before I got to my job because time seemed to stretch out

so I had to smoke and know I had to work so be ready

not get to smoke with everything done and no plans

I have two years to go without drinking or smoking

no drinking is easy. I can make 1 40 oz last like 3 days lol when I could drink before I got started again

I just don't like it if I don't have my set and setting perfect

no smoking isn't bad either. I don't want to smoke if I can't do it all day and my house(apartment) smells like it all day

if I smoked one day and screwed up my probation that would just be stupid

and my apartment won't even smell like bud for longer than 2 hours lol

I don't think any good has come from not smoking or drinking

financially it's stupid to not smoke or drink

it doesn't conserve money

it isn't a healthy option

drinking and smoking is definitely more healthy

basically it's just a requirement to probation

when I get the 2 years done

I don't even want to think about it until I get closer lol

i've got a long time of community service anger management probation visits

all of that

should go quick if I stay busy

when we finally get out of the hot months and it's not a job to keep the apartment cool enough to not be sweating

my linkshell is the type of ls that is always at capped members online at any time

every hours of the day we have 100 active members

and it can take over 3 hours to actually get in the ls

what has been getting to me the past few months

is there is always 10-20 members in krt

all day every day

some people party for weeks without leaving krt

and I always ask if anyone has room in a krt party

if anyone wants to make a krt party

I usually get a party 2 to 3 times a week

that's like once every 2 days

usually i'm at the keyboard standing at the ah

there's nothing left ingame I want besides more master levels

and I want to krt pt for weeks at a time

I don't understand what this giant group of people have that I don't

like do they all speak another language

I even send people in krt /tells

leaders never /tell back

and members tell me to /tell the leader

and the leader still does not /tell back

it's disheartening

I just want to cp/ep all day long

and I end up waiting 18+ hours to get one pt

while my ls has 20 people in krt

all ignoring /tells and just eping

and I'm not bad at all

I have a 11 min songs 5 song brd with honor and carn and a dd/ws set

I can maintain my songs for hours

I can solo sc I can solo my own bats

I try to not let it bother me

but it really does bother me

I don't know what else to do to get parties faster than 18+ hours

and after waiting sooooooooooooo long I only have like an hour or two to actually pt

i've got to get millions of ep

and this is taking wwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaayyyyy longer than it should

because no one wants to ep

and those that do

refuse to allow me to join

 it just ain't right

at least I have wednesday to look forward to

The am class teacher w/e he is called

Had several stories

About 6 or 7

But a few really stuck in

The one about the husband that hogtied his wife and set flashlights up all around then hit her shins until she told the story he wanted

The one about the girl that had just got out of prison that was in juvenile detention and jail her whole life until prison

That had a drug addicted mom that would set her daughter the girl on the drug dealers lap to get a bag and go shoot up and the drug dealer and his friends would brutally rape the 8 year old

The 85 year old man that couldn't sign his paper and had over 11 million in the bank but didn't know how to read or write

And I'm like

I just beat up and old man and he deserved it

 I'm just lucky because in my situation what happened is something that's never going to happen again

it's not like my brother becomes argumentative and picky when he drinks so I beat him up and I still have to see him for 60 years while he is drinking

I had someone taking a superior spot then avoid everything and come off as a complete peon making the others in the house do all the work

I'm going to be single with cats and hermit crabs for the rest of my life

no one is ever going to hold superiority over me while doing nothing but enjoying life with a pissed off upset attitude every second of the day to the point that getting pissed off and getting away with giving others a hard time is the most fun out of life

basically it is never going to happen again

I make enough money to life happily on my own

so when it comes to am class

he worked me and didn't pay me

he made things more difficult than they should of been

he made me feel betrayed and that I had to work for someone that betrayed me regularly

he paid so little I made more money working for myself

he talked trash about me and my family belittling and cursing us

basically it's just a ton of stuff he did wrong

and i'm not perfect I make mistakes

but not many and I work hard

just finished my first anger management class

found out comparatively to the other people in the class

I'm not an angry person

11 more classes to go and i'm done

all I have left to do this month is:

1 more community service

pay the rest of my fees

I have work tomorrow which I think i'm going to go to cs then go to work afterwards

I have to get one cs done this week then i'm done for the month

I have to pay my fees before the month is over

no am class next week it is a holiday

I got a giant pan of warm chicken for 7$ + a ceaser bacon salad for 2$ from walmart

basically everything is going too good

I'm already anticipating something to go wrong and am saving up chill points for it

Salem and I still love

she's my girlfriend my daughter my baby my kitty and my fiance

cali is good she's still moving around eating her food pooping in the box

mom is good she hasn't croaked yet

sister is good

btw sister bought me chick fil a today I just had to walk to get it picked up

 I feel like the guy that keeps getting fired from work and shows back up the next day just doing his normal job

the manager is like are you on the clock and i'm like no but i want money

and he's like okay

then I just keep working

they've let me go like 8 times in the past 2 years and bring me back every single time

I got let go from security

then they told me to go in to do trash and pool

and the manager didn't even know

now he said to make sure I go tomorrow

It literally gets so hot in my apartment 

I cannot imagine it being this hot anywhere a human is actually supposed to exist

I have a ceiling fan on a box fan on and my AC set to 61

I have windows cracked to let heat out so I dont bake like an oven

It's past 9pm

So you'd think it would be cool

And it feels like 95f+ in here

And all I have on is underwear 

Microwave logic

1 min uncooked and cold

2 mins warm with cold spots

3 mins hot for about 30 seconds then ready

4 mins hot for about 2 mins then ready

5 mins volcano hot for 20 mins then instantly cold

Mom said a church brought her chicken Alfredo 

She brought it to me

First thing I said when I took a bite

This taste like a little girls snatch

Maybe not the actual flavor

But how tender the Alfredo pasta is

Super super tender

But I can't eat it without thinking about girls

Never had this kind of chicken Alfredo 

I'm usually a shrimp scampi kinda guy

 

Is this type of girl too much to ask for

The accent the braces the blue eyes the blonde hair

Shes exactly what I get pulled towards

Why would it be too much

I work I take care of myself I have my own vehicle and apartment 

When a see a girl like this all the others just disappear from my radar

The only thing I can think is their too expensive for what I make right now

And that's the only reason I think I need to get a higher paying job

 the guy that's always on youtube front page

and always has the exact same video set up

he asks for something cheap

claims he only has like two dollars

is in a store or restaurant

begs for something gets something free or pulls out enough money

then tried to give money to people in the store via tips or just handouts

Man does that guy come off as having something mentally wrong some type of weird mental disorder

so awkward and he keeps doing it over and over again

he has to have some weird disorder

imminent suicidal tendencies

how can he get told the same thing I wrote so many times a day

and keep doing it 

 

 

 when you love someone so much and want to be around them all day

you're both young and enjoying life

everything comes easy and everything is amazing

then ya'll get older

and you are going out of your way to try to see them more

and it feels like they don't even try or try to change themselves to be around you in fact they get worse

and you deal with them getting worse by being more lenient

and you bend and bend and bend until eventually you snap and break

and even after breaking

ya'll find a way to get closer than you had been in years

and it's like it was back in the day

then she dies

then you move out and move on

and you remember her and you can go see her when you can

but you never forget all the things she taught you

and it's fun remembering the things and it's like it was meant to be

finding people like that getting to know them whatever you did to deserve them

it's so religious

even if neither of you ever set food in a church together

it's a literal blessing

I watch this and I think damn that kid is going to have cool parents

do you think the kid will even favor the grandparents over the parents like I did with mine

my mom beat me since I was a little boy and still beats me at 31 years old for fun

I don't mean physically she did spank me and swat me

I mean with like saying something that happened happened a different way being dead serious and I know 100% for a fact it wasn't how she is saying

it's like she knows she is wrong but she goes completely oblivious and tries to force her new idea

it's a nice mental beating mental warfare

like what if you did have a mom and dad that stuck together and were cooler than your grandparents

my grandma was so cool I always wanted to be around her until I got older and she got older and she started to lose her charm

of course I miss her though

I can't even imagine not wanting to see my grandma

but I bet courtney starts to lose her cool after the kid gets into school and starts making dumb decisions or starts to act out and gets a illegal tattoo at 14 w/o parent consent

you know they're getting millions per video so that kid is definitely going to have opportunities to do things that upset her mom

like the way the story went when you watched it happening day #1 vs the story she says that happened day #3 vs what you remember happening day #3 of day #1

and it just acutely demeans you in every way

then the kid is like I wanna go to grandma

then courtney is working at a bar for tips because her husband split because he got tired of being perfect and wanted to live elsewhere

so the kid stays with grandma from 5pm to 2am when she picks her up

and that's how the kid learns basically everything

because the mom isn't a teacher and the grandma likes teaching

 

Caught drop

Fisherman's they're the best

Shes amazing 

Okay now you're going to caught a little depends how much you caught before you put in the drop

Now dont spit out the caught drop flavor

Caught spit that out the nasty flemm

Blow on thumb knuckle holding thumb 

It's gone the caugh

Usually takes 3 max

Can't poop to get rid of a caught

Nope

They pooped to get everything done

Girl Drops shorts wanna see

Long story about getting a bad caught to get sick to see girls your age

But girls do that for people that are healthy not sick

And you just got better

So cute

Reminds me of the way the catfish I used to catch would look at me right before I bashed them over the head with a stick until they quit flopping then cut their heads off and ripped their skin off then sliced the fillets and belly meat off the spine

Then fried them up and ate with Lemons And Ketchup!

Delicious 

It's amazing how much motivation and strength one normal sized box fan can give

My apartment runs hot

I have my AC set to 61 and it's not blowing directly where I stay on my couch

If it's set to move it basically does nothing

It's may and the temp is already around 105

It's going to be a hot summer

I also have a bug infestation that nothing seems to fix

I've sprayed 5 cans that are supposed to last for 6 months but the bugs don't even care

I've put out like 20 traps that's supposed to leave particles on bugs that go in then kills the best

Nothing can control them

I want to get the hot shot powder but I cant find it anywhere 

The landlord knows they're bad but hasn't even made an attempt to do anything 

I have two cats and a hermit crab so if he bombs the place I gotta get a hotel or something 

He just doesn't seem willing to do all that

But I got a box fan this morning

And I finally got a little sleep

Ive been waking up short of breath with crust all the way across my eyes

The bugs have been keeping me up 4+ hours after my bedtime because they crawl on me and I swat them off

I rolled myself in a sheet so bugs wouldn't get on me and I think I had a minor stroke

Because my dream was so good Reese was in it and I saw heaven she gave me a perfect blowie

Then I woke up short of breathing sweating and as uncomfortable as I can imagine 

Got this box fan

Now bugs stopped crawling on me

And it's cool enough I can relax and not be sweating

What this picture inspires in me

First of all I'm like I could be her brain surgeon I could be the doctor that delivers the baby I could be her husband we could be married and deeply in love as a family 

Then I think damn who is so lucky that knocked her up

How did it happen did she just have some sex or was it some weird thing like a family member or a stranger sneaking in and injecting her in her sleep

Then I put that to the side 

And I think just how rare a picture like this is

Shes in school she has friends

Her body is literally my idea of perfection 

Shes got strong arms

Shes got a nice frame

Her head just is off the ball and sits a little forward like she strains a lot

I love this picture 

I've loved it since I found it

The feeling it invoked when I first saw it and when I see it 10 years later

Like her baby is born and probably like 10+ years old

Then I think it is me and it's like a film on the part of our reptilian side of the brain

Like a dream I had it an actual film from the eye that got caught in a shedding or something 

It's weird

It was 105 degrees f

From like 4-5

But it didn't get hot until like 8:30

It was fine at 5

But now it's 8:50 and I'm sweating 

Well,

It happened today 

I got told the new owners don't want me to continue my job

But it's not all that bad

They told me if the night lady thinks me doing security is necessary I may get my job back

And

mom and the manager decided

I could help the maintenance man do the trash and pool

They have him scheduled 7 days a week and he wants some time off

So they're thinking I'll do trash and pool

Once or twice a week

I'm just hoping I get to continue doing something 

To help pay for everything I need to pay

But until then I'm out of a job

My pay check has the wrong address so I doubt the place I cash my check will even take it

I'll have to get the check resent to me with the right address 

But we will see tomorrow 

And I hope I get to do something 

I worked 10 hours a week

They're thinking I may only get 4 hours a week now

But if the night lady needs me that would be cool to get to keep working because she said that

Anyways I'm glad I finally got the news instead of thinking it could happen any day and having zero job security 

When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie, that's amoresalem. When the world seems to shine, like you've had too much wine, that's amoresalem

Salemp the girl for me, that's amoresalem 

Meowing loud making her dad proud, that's amoresalem 

Remember to get your blowies for good reasons not bad reasons

Kids going to school

Kids exercising at parks

Moms and dads reuniting with their kids

Family getting new cars they worked for

Feeding people that deserve to be fed

Things like that

Babies being formed

Flowers and food and good things

Not bad reasons

Like starving people or animals

Or mistreating things for reasons out of control

Or being a complete terrorist 

Or beating the less fortunate by saying you'll give them something if they do something then just using them forever

Death rotting decomposing 

Slaughter houses

Get the blowies for good not bad

Even if she likes doing them for the bad reasons more

You have to bring her into the light

With the good god and baby Jesus

i've been tinkering for about 3 months now

trying to get eliteapi.dll and elitemmo.api.dll

to interact with pol.exe

using python

I've tried this before but never this serious about it

so far I've basically not taken the first step forward

I can't get any function to work

I can load the dll

I can access pol.exe final fantasy xi I can find the pid

basically I just get completely stuck when it comes to actually running the function

i've downloaded fantasyscript

and i've ran the demo clipper code

but I don't want that

I want to be able to make something using the .dlls in python

my first test was running the getrawvanatime

then I started trying to run the clipper demo code in a c++ or c# I don't remember to python converted

the code had errors and I cleared most of them up

still nothing

I have dnSpy installed to look inside elitemmo.api.dll and basically tells me nothing

i've used the search feature on elitemmo network and basically get nothing

i've thought of using the lua core to do basically the same things and I stopped when it didn't give me what I want

this is my big project I have been working on

I really do not care much about having a clipper with python it would just be my first win in this specific game 

the game I have been playing the past 3 months to make a eliteapi or elitemmo .dll work with python and ffxi

i'd love to have a gui with a button to call function to print the current ingame time

just to have it

I would love to build a gui that could display the ffxi chat in an external window

basically there's not much I could do by learning how to make this work

but I could do more

it's what I do when I'm at work

It's what I do before bed and what keeps me up past my bedtime

I wake up wanting to learn more about the code

it's what I'm going to keep doing until I can finally put all those lines of code together and get the function to work

if anyone wants to work on my code to try to get it to work

please try to let me know some way if you got it working

the error I run into is at the lines:

    

1. if self._clip_check_box_var.get():
2.                 index = self.API.Entity.LocalPlayerIndex
3.                 self.API.Entity.SetEntityStatus(index, 31)

I don't think the code knows what to do with those last two lines

I would be so happy to get this working

 Yeah it's like the most generous thing a female can do for a male

I've always found it strange family can ask for so much demand so much but they can't do it

It's like who made that rule up

They can force work and labor but under absolutely no circumstance can they give a blowie

Sounds like work without pay

Because I'm almost any normal relationship giving someone the ability to drive your car or driving your car to pick up someone for the girl from school or work or even loaning cash is all enough for a blowie

If you ignore straight paying for the blowie 

And you make it a trade type thing for doing something for them instead of doing nothing all day then not getting one

It's like the girl is getting paid twice and the guy is working then getting paid

Or trusting the girl with his ride then getting paid from that

It's like the only way it happens is if she's breaking up with you and making you have a reason to want her

Or you're letting her do something or doing something for her

Spending money for it is like doing it with your mom grandma or sister 

So it comes down to having a girl that's broken

Then helping her just enough she's okay where she's at but never making her fixed

Because then she's too good to do it

I remember not smoking

And everyone saying smoking makes people healthier and smarter

It does

Now it's people that get their penis sucked vs people that don't get their penis sucked

And how much healthier they are

But then you do the math on what it takes

And it's literally the most stupid scenario that has to happen ever

They have to be broken or screwed up

You have to give or do something after giving them something to get them in the door

Then that's where the fighting usually starts

Then you have to have other girls waiting in line to take that spot

Because you usually can only have one girl doing it at a time or they all stop

Unless you're literally paying for it

Which is not allowed 

There's no easy way to get a blowie