I'm anticipating getting some more funding for the sight

there's two ways it can go

#1 I get too much money and we get all proper upgrades

mostly via having more food drinks and just all around more money

leading to more creativity and time to upgrade the website

the alternative way

#2 is so little money

food and drinks won't be readily available

so upgrades will come from needing to do work to feel like i'm meeting my needs

I'm not sure if it'll go to #1 or #2 but i'm sensing it coming soon

approximately 4 to 6 weeks

I have no idea what all changes will take place

probably not too much

some things get taken away

some new things get added

the end goal for this website

is having a clean body with proper posts that people will want to read over the years maybe read once then go back 3+ years later and WANT to reread

like several other ffxi blogs have captured over the years

this is not possible now or for several years from not

due to me using the website to post constant updates on my current living situation

plans for this begin in around 3 years from now, 2028

that's always been the plan, it's actually very difficult to do

if it's just i'm not in the right place to get it out, i'm not good at it, or is really is that difficult. I don't know.

no life updates will be part of this website, that's for another website entirely

I use this website for those now

because it works the best for everyone

it's obvious I have removed all the posts that would fit that criteria 

it's just too difficult to keep those two things in the same area

life updates and proper body posts

When my girlfriend who is an ex girlfriend now

We went to college together

She worked at Olive garden 

I was a YouTube partner 

We were in my truck

She saw me pull money out of an envelope with Google on the envelope 

And asked if I sued Google

But I was getting that Google money

Adding a new section to website

Willow b

Logan gets to stay on the front page

But Willow is the new it girl

Logan did so well she's welcome but she's all grown up now

Also considering adding a campbell section

I think her name is Sarah but I'm not sure

There's a long explanation and I'd love to explain

It's like money is not so good

Because the money has already been spent

On the girls

But it's a vast amount of girls

Then you pick a few and they get the majority of the unclaimed would be yours money

But after you claim them for that spot

Their now your girls

And that's how you get girls to begin with

Their parents are more like shadow people

And seem to not really exist since they never get shown in videos

And they basically live is perfectly taylored worlds to show off hauls and grams

So I can see no other way

The parents dont exist

The girls are in test tubes

And the activities are projections they believe is really happening

And their haul is your money

And their room deco and clothes were bought with your money

You pick a few

As long as you keep the numbers low

They have very nice things

And they're like a extension of you and you're basically already married

made it out alive

everything good so far

I have enough money to pay for everything this month (phone internet rent fees)

now i've got nothing on my schedule until next month

probably going to do community service thursday and friday mornings

trying to simplify everything down

I need to do at least 10 hours community service a month that's 3 days

I need to pay all that I owe each month that's 61+50 and some tax

she told me to not worry about the anger management because a class is happening now and mine won't start until that ends in approximately 2 weeks

that's an hour and a half 1 day a week for 6 weeks on a monday

she said I can schedule all my visits for mondays

remember I don't have a running vehicle myself and the only days off my mom has is sunday and monday

so I have to schedule everything on monday for my mom to give me a ride

THANK GOD ITS DONE lol for today anyways

she seemed pretty chill she was making jokes and laughing

she told me if I wanted to go to the movies or eat late I could tell her and she had no problem letting me out after my curfew hahahahaha

Ahhhhh glad to be done with that for today

I was so worried last night

time for a nice shower then I think i'm going to go swimming ! WOO !

I've spent 1,500 + 1,500 + 1,500 so far

I have another 3,000 to spend

all together this is going to cost me 7,500

lol

most expensive thing i've ever spent money on

BUT I would be dead if I didn't do it so i'm happy

i've got so much stronger

I love living with my girls I love living alone

I get to work when I want to

I get to buy all my food for the month in 1 trip

my mom my sister my coworkers and I all get along better than we ever have before

I basically have no issues about life

get this 2 years done & we're going to be so good

it's summer I have a swimming pool in walking distance

I don't drink or smoke weed anymore

I can't even stand to watch videos about alcohol or marijuana right now in my life

my girls salem and cali love and I love them we love each other

my biggest issue is getting my laundry done and not wearing the same thing six days in a row

my fees start in may they'll get paid today

may(1) june(2) july(3) august(4) september(5)

by september

i'll have court costs paid(may400 june650)

i'll have all the money for probation saved(july650 august650 september650)[I talk about this later in the post]

i'll be done with community service(may june july)

i'll be done with anger management(may june july)

all that's left at that point

is paying each time I need to which i'll already have the money saved by the end of september(can pay 3 months ahead)

and showing up to each visit once a month

when I get it down to just needing to show up

then i'll be so excited but actually see a light at the end of the tunnel

even if the light goes on for 19 months lol

after september when I have all my money for the remainder of the program

I can finally start spending my own money on myself

like a steamdeck for example

being on disability drawing ssi I can't have more than 2k to my name

so I have to spend that

if I have 1950 in september

i'll need to spend the money on something and reup the next month

obviously it would go towards a steamdeck

considering I just have to make a 61$ payment each month for 24 months 19 months after september

and I make a little over 650 to spend

there's going to be a few points I have to spend my money

on gadgets and food and such

at 650 a month saving for 3 months put me dangerously close to having too much money

I can't believe i'm saying this

but

if I do get to keep my job

in a year from now

I see myself living the best life I have ever lived

and 2 years from now it's going to be something out of a dream

 I love it when it's like this is my apartment 

Definitely my favorite vibe

Takes me back to going to my childhood home after we moved out and the electricity got turned off

Smoking drinking

Playing Rubiks cube

Now I like in an apartment that does this almost every day I have electricity and my two girls 

Been watching forever pee pranks on YouTube 

It bothers me everyone asks the person if they need help and if they want to talk about it

I lived with someone that peed just as long or longer than most of the prank pees 

Do you need help

We need to talk about this

Everyone just let the guy in my house go

He could pee for 10 mins straight 

I found it to be one of the most infuriating things about the house

But now a few years watching pranks about it I feel more involved 

first probation visit tomorrow

just psyching myself up to get it all done

* 61 in probation fees/month

* 50 in court costs/month

* 10 hours of community service a month, plan on doing 40 a month

* anger management once a week 2 hours each time for 12 weeks(this is going to be annoying but i'll make it)

12 weeks is 3 months

* 9pm-6am curfew until I finish anger management then it's 10pm-6am

* I have to turn in something that proves I work not sure what she's going to ask for

*no drinking or controlled substance use(salem is taking care of me on this one, she got me)

can't make any mistakes or it puts me in jeopardy

this month money is tight because I spent 250 to pay off my loan

that's paid off so no more worrying about that

Got enough money to pay all my bills

600 rent

61 probation 

50 court

45 internet 

33 phone

Just waiting until it's time to pay

Cutting it really close this month since I finished paying off my loan that was 250

But I'm finally paid off from that

So as long as I pay everything listed above 

I'll be taking off on the right step

With my job on the line

I can still afford everything just with my normal non work check check

But it only leaves me with like 70$ to spend for the entire month

I'm pretty sure I can do it even then

All my work check money

For as long as I still get to work

Goes directly to court cost

I can pay that off in 3 months

Then get it down to just probation 

That's the best thing I can hope for

Wednesday is my first probation day

Then it's a lot 24 months to finish it off

Uuugggggghhhhhhhhhh lol

I can do it

I got Salem to help me

Salem is so strong shes not going to let me down

I way overslept today

went to sleep around 7pm last night and didn't wake up until 8pm today

25 hours of slept

didn't even get to see one performance at worlds today

lucky I still get to watch tomorrow then all the rebroadcasts

I want to change up my insta get a better vibe going

can't wait to go to work

love sitting in the van watching drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes being on my phone mostly on pinterest lol

almost time for my first probation visit then I have to start doing comunnity service

3 months total 

every penny of my extra money going to court costs

1115$ that's like 2 months

 THE CHALLENGE HAS ALWAYS BEEN FINDING FURRIES WITHOUT TYPING FURRY

1 in 3 people are pedophile

way too mainstream

considering it's something you are born

1 in 100 people are psychopath

even that's popular

considering it's a mental illness

1 in 2,500 are furry

much better of a taboo

very rare

worth so much more in terms of rareness

history would point towards much better rewards

I get:

how could you ever let her go

she was a worlds cheerleader WORLD

she made the best videos of the time and for a decade after

that's like a great dane and a cat

it's like a strawman

wonder what kind of weird stuff he gets into

you think their dead

then I look at her looking at him

and I get:

I wouldn't hurt anyone

even if they did hurt me

i'm a melon

then I decide:

let her go

she's happy

don't be a homewrecker

we had our time

wonder if he's related to abraham lincoln

I like how we're all included in this

reminiscing about the time:

I was god and she was my wife but I made her too strong

making a girl that would be forced to come back to me

but she found the perfect man for her

and she killed me several different times and different ways to get the one she made

who was a god too

older than me and taller than me

and she was always about getting the tallest

then I go to a dark place:

she's never going to talk to me even though we talked on the daily through my mental illness until I sent her a message and she blocked me

on a public account how raw

then I go to an entirely different world where when we have the moments of everyone being together or inside jokes

where the hell do those come from

and in conclusion:

I want food and grape juice

I'm going to think about her on my next taco

 

is that the great wall of china

always been told you can see it from space

 

 I feel like i'm the same way

I didn't get enough early on

and I go straight to it no matter what and I can't get enough

and I know there's others that got too much and it's annoying to them

they go other places because it's so annoying to them

I feel like that's a clear different species of human

for such little white skinndded girls there sure is a lot of butt

so much to look at majority can't weigh more than 120

I think most of the girls I look at have some mexican in them

no matter the age first things eyes touch is crotch

the main thing i'm looking for is what rouge had

basically the entire team that same look

feel like i'm eating crawfish looking at my laptop

same thing sot royalty has but sot royalty only had like 3 blondes and rouge was all blondes

so I guess what i'm spying is the blondes

but I want that rouge body type

 rouge did really good

sot royalty is coming up next that's karly

one of the boys on venom performance looked really cool they all looked good but that one was having fun the flyer

hahahaha that was so much fun

I FREAKING LOVE THEIR HAIR !!
AND THE CAMERA GUY CUT OUT THE SKIP IN THE INTRO LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo hahahahahaha <3<3

i've had karly day as my phone background and lockscreen for a solid year

civilians care

the military doesn't care

unless you've paid for the military

which no one can do even if you're in the military

but people do it

then that gets you out of trouble and you're in the real military

and everyone else in the military is just playing

ruthless believes in the military usually care and get it pretty good but they can't do anything illegal or they tell on themselves

people that don't care at all probably get it the best they get it all and they can do illegal things

I didn't pay the military so they're after me

yes pay the military

I only joined the military to get your head

I don't even get head is that because you paid for it via the military

if I did get it(what I got in the past) wasn't even good at all

but that could explain a lot given the time to think about it which i'm not

don't like boys

don't like girls only doing it to get something

never had it good besides when the ghosts do it it's good and that's about as common as a ghost rearranging an attic

I see no reason

the globe has been settled for hundreds of thousands of years

and it seems like a soap opera drama

obviously head is only for people that work in the oil fields and use people

no one makes money any other way

enough to find someone hurting so bad they can give good head and it doesn't feel like they are just doing it to get something anyways

we don't give him any he's no in on the joke so he's just like "f you then" and leaves

you're a pervert and you use little boys

i'm not his dad and his dad didn't raise him

damn he did good then

that's what i'm saying

I must be that hard to understand

you really are

basically everything you say has a first reason then about 10 things that could be your reason then the reason we think you want to project then you just pick one of the other 10+ reasons and avoid the one we went with

that's not talking to him

that's talking to the voices in my head

it's a good exercise to banish the voices

he hasn't talked to me

i'm not talking to him

but his voice plays in my head from what i've previously said

so I answer myself

it's hard to tell him he has autism now

well that's how I would do it(make everything better)

and that's why he fought so hard and you let her go so easily(janet)

he's not a kid anymore

you don't get to make everything better by doing whatever magic you did to him

he just didn't want to work for money he's worked for money for 30 years it's no big deal

my neighbor has two f**king hammers in her goddamn hands and she's assaulting the car

lol

Worlds tacos

Sour cream on the bottom

Meat in the middle

Jalapenos

Cheese on top 

Took down 5 of those suckers in about 3 minutes 

 

salem p macaroni sushi spaghetti  

salem p nutbutter and jelly

salem p beef jerky

a hot taco

what's a hot taco

like spice

with heat

you can make them like that

it'll burn your tongue

sounds good

sliced jalapenos

sour cream

taco seasoning with lime flavor

cheese

taco shells

ground beef

pretty simple

not much of the extra stuff

i'm going to devour their souls so quickly

Worlds day #2

Generals on arena south at 3pm !

12:19pm rn

It's time to make tacos !

all day i've been trying to install steamos to dualboot

I had trouble making a partition on my external ssd

then my ssd got unplugged in the kit and I thought the program ate all my data

then everywhere says you can make a boot out of a partition

but it also says it formats the drive so erases everything on the drive

tried too many times

obviously there's no way to do what I want

having an external ssd making a large partition

using a usb bootloader to dualboot an iso FROM A PARTITION ON THE EXTERNAL SSD

I have a 300 gig ssd with about 150gigs of data

I made a 32gig partition I wanted to have steamos

so I could play ffxi with steamos on my laptop

to get away from windows for a little bit

now i'm at needing to rar as much data as I can which is about 10gigs from 150gigs data

upload to drive

then format my 300 gig external ssd

and that just isn't going to happen

to make a bootloader

they want to come from the very bottom of the drive

I was thinking I could boot from a usb then pick a partition to boot from on the drive

nope

which i'm pretty much positive i've tried before years n years ago

just had to do a 'the hard way' refresher lol

 it's really not any harder without grandma

do you really not need your grandma

idk she always ignored everything I said that would make thing better

she always wasted time as a way of payment before doing anything which meant she was paying for wasting time and it always cost more

it's really a lot easier without her because i don't have to show respect to her

she kicked my mom into gear

like she could force my mom to do things

but they never talked

like a second life she would force my mom to do things like take me to the doctors

but it was as if she was a computer dev host and mom was a slave hdd she could make changes while offline then would reboot and that was prio #1

I can't get my mom to do anything for me about going to the doctor

gram would always get in a bad mood about brooklyn or mom then it's like having to baby a girl on her period

she would waste time as a form of payment to herself for doing things like driving places

she would get upset at work and people at work then come home in a bad mood and just get more pissed off by the minute a slow process of getting pissed off at work then just completely irate before bed time

her best perk for the entire family was when john would piss everyone off she would pay to make everyone happy again then tell john to go to the shop

she would always fight then get an attitude when she knew no one would get physical with her then get worse like a fighting chicken

like I've said many times

every single day

she got home pissed at the world because of work then worse by the minute

she was ready to go

it was and is so nice not having to play nice for someone that's just pissed

WE ALL GOT ISSUES LADY
LETS MAKE MONEY TO BE HAPPY
NOT WASTE TIME AS A FORM OF PAYMENT FOR DRIVING FOR 20 MINS TO GET FOOD

then directly after that

I PLAY FFXI TO MAKE VIDEOS ON YOUTUBE TO MAKE MONEY I DEVELOP MY WEBSITE TO MAKE MONEY EVERYTHING I DO ONLINE IS TO MAKE MONEY
then she just plays flash games to earn badges

WHICH I RESPECT BUT THAT"S JUST A WASTE OF TIME

SO NOW I"M AT WORKING TO MAKE MONEY BUT IT"S GOING BAD LIKE LITERALLY NO MONEY
VS WASTING TIME ON SOMETHING THAT"LL NEVER BE WORTH MONEY BUT HAVING MONEY FROM WORKING
BUT WASTING TIME TOGETHER BY WORKING SO ONE JUST NEVER HAS MONEY

grandson grandma time where we would be gardening or crafting or fishing ALL MAKE MONEY

if you can grow veggies or sell crafts or cook fish

AND THEN I GET PISSED
AND THEN SHE GETS PISSED THAT I GET PISSED AT THAT

but we were always friends until she came home pissed from the get go from work FOR MONTHS YEARS

I"M TRYING TO MAKE MONEY BY BEING SELF EMPLOYED TO HAVE NICE THINGS TO GET A GIRLFRIEND WIFE AND KIDS TO GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE TO BE AROUND YOU FOR YEARS AND YEARS

I DON"T WANT TO ASK YOU FOR MONEY OR FOOD OR CARRIDES
CAN YOU NOT SEE YOURE TEARING THIS FAMILY APART

then she would smoke a cigarette and not-give-a-fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuk

AND_I_WOULD_GET_SO_MUCH_MORE_PISSED

it's like not matter how much time I could make for myself getting ahead

she would just waste all that time I made for myself

as a form of payment

I had it down to her wasting like 15,000$ per minute and could literally show the math

it gets to a point where you are so forgiving you're not even a person anymore

it feels like being a piece of paper

then every thought is like a drop of water in an ocean slowly filling up until it's overflowing

then you act out

then instead of fixing the problem

they just throw you in a cage for a few weeks give you classes put you on medication

but they literally give no thought to the problem to begin with

then eventually you act out in a sever enough way

they finally let you get away from the problem areas

WHICH THEY NEVER ONCE TRY TO FIX
and getting you away from the problem is supposed to be a punishment

BUT IT"S WHAT SHOULD OF HAPPEND FROM DAY ONE YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRSSSS AGO

do you know how many times they've told me I cannot speak to my grandpa

LIKE IT"S GOING TO BE HARD
THAT"S THE BEST GIFT I"VE GOT IN 20 YEARS

and I try to tell them THATS EXACTLY WHAT I WANT

and they're telling me in more ways I can't speak to him

I"M  LIKE I CALLED 911 OVER SIX TIMES
ASKING TO GET AWAY

AND FINALLY I DO WHAT I DID
AND YOURE TREATING IT LIKE A PUNISHMENT TO NOT GET TO TALK TO HIM
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I CALLED 911 SO MANY TIMES ASKING FOR THAT
at least make it seem like a reward for me doing what I did

what I asked to get for so long I FINALLY GET

"no contact with john n luce"

vs

"You've finally been granted your restraining order john n luce cannot speak to you or come around you"

my lawyers both of them i've had

neither knew anything about proving to the court and da

that john deserved what I did to him

and finding a way to get the case dismissed

I find that so wrong

I tried to tell them everything

he was drunk he started the fight

he had been mistreating me for so long

basically meant nothing

my lawyer went with telling the da how good I am doing

I"VE DONE GOOD MY ENTIRE LIFE 

that's stupid

but it worked

I just have to do A LOT OF WORK for YEARS

when it really should of got dismissed for him being drunk and starting the fight

then all the little conflicts

he said I wasn't part of his family for years

they say it gets worse for me because we are family

I called it self defense because he was trying to kill me

he wanted me to work for him

he was tired of me being tired of him

he wanted me out of the house he said he would never kick me out

which translates to killing me in the house and doing magic to kill me

they wouldn't even try for a second to try to prove he was trying to kill me in court

or he was drunk or he started the fight

but for not calling me his family

then the entire thing getting amplified because we are family

it's like literally all the evidence the attorneys had a reason it wouldn't work

then all the reasons they used instantly got thrown out because it wasn't true for the household

then instead of fighting it at all

they say how good I was doing which i've always done good

then I just have to deal with the punishment

he has projects

and when he was so sick

he realized we don't want anything from him

so instead of paying for work he gets to work people for free

so he plans on taking advantage of that

and on top of it he can get worse and worse and worse and worse

and no one can do anything about it

so he takes full advantage of that

by forcing people to do more for him

never giving a dime never feeding once never doing anything

my brother was terrible

from making me clean his toilet because I got a hair on it

saying what if his kids saw it

to telling me I tried to hook up with my sister when I asked if she could help me find a gf

always having some trick always being a joker

my other brother was getting just as bad

so instead of waiting for him to die I just completely avoid him like a plague

my oldest friend got the same way

so instead of letting that go to hell

just drop him and never msg or call or invite to do things

my sisters been like that for a long time

it's weird I have no one at all besides my cats

and I have more work than ever

and i'm happier than I can ever remember being

On the plus side

It's been about a week since I've played FFXI 

And I'm starting to want to play again

I really want to get on retail and do some bst & brd but unfortunately can't really afford the sub RN with my job possible going away any day now

I probably won't play until cheer worlds is over

That's over on Monday 

Today was the first day of worlds

It was a lot of fun

I woke up a little after it started

My mom called me in a really chipper attitude and asked if I wanted to eat lunch with her

We got a Chinese place called dragonlicious 

She got pepper beef and chicken

I got orange chicken

The crab Rangoon was so good

The sweet and sour sauce was so good

I love how red it is

I find it very seductive for just being a sauce for the chicken

The red is so pretty

I watched worlds until it ended at 3

From 12:30 to about 3

The girls looked so good this year

To actually have enough money to raise one of those things there gaaaaahhh

That would be so much fun

The hair the uni the bodies

The legs

The performance 

I love it so much

It's about time to make my brisket and watch worlds all day long 

Well all the stuff that makes life difficult came around again

Basically the manager told me the hotel has too many people on payroll and I'm going to be the one that gets the can

He told me to come to work tonight

But basically any day could be my last the way he made it sound

There's a lot of other jobs in walking distance I'm just not confident in working then

On top of that

The hotel called the police about a van parked on the street

And they red tagged which means a 72 hour must move from the spot

On the van I do security in

So now we have to call the police office

And tell them they red tagged the wrong van

So instead of making 870+400

I'll just be making 870

So that's 870-600-45-33-61-50

It only leaves me with life 70 dollars

And I won't have the money to pay everything off in 5 months

I'm so frustrated 

I sprayed an entire can of zevo and got rid of the bugs in my apartment for 3 days now they're all back like I didnt even spray

I bought two cans so tonight I've been unleashing so he'll on those bugs basically killing to calm my nerves 

It's so frustrating that I was being mistreated and I stood up for myself

And nothing he was doing to hurt me physically or mentally meant anything because self defense means nothing

Then it's just one thing after another

From jail to pre trial diversion revoke

To no reasons being good enough to smoke marijuana 

To my job getting taken away from me any day

To the bugs

To the wrong van my van getting red tagged and I work at the hotel

2 years of this

I don't even want a job now if it's going to be like this much longer

Keeping my head up

Plan on working as long as possible 

Glad I didn't get prison time

I just have to get even more serious

It's about time to make my first payments

And start community service 

I need to complete this program so bad without any marks

It's literally not even funny

Work starts in 11 mins

I'm walking out the door to get there now

Community service 

3 months 12 weeks 3 times a week

Done

Fees

Court costs

2 months done

Probation fees

3 months

Up to date+ 3 months advance

Save and make 4 payments a year

Done

Visits

Once a month

24 months

Done

No smoking no drinking

Don't care for drinking much if I can't do it everyday 

Don't care for smoking much if I can't do it all day everyday

Support

Salem + Cali

My emotional support cats

They help the most

Easy

Done

Anger management 

2 hours a week 12 weeks

24 hours spread over 84 days

Easy

2 years later without much work

Back to my normal life

One year later after the 2 years

Disability goes up

If I can keep my job

So easy

I'll have 700$ a month to spend on myself 

Almost done posting about probation and court

Ready for 3 years to pass so disability goes back up

Went down because I spent so much time incarcerated and didn't report

Can only spend like 15 days without reporting

Did 130 days so made too much in facility 

$1,115 court costs
$1,464 probation costs

$360 tests

total:
2,939

looking at needing to spend 3,000 in 2 years

@making 870+400=1270/month -600+33+45(bills) = 678 

1270-678=592

@600 a month to spend

need 3,000/600

that's 5 months

can pay 3 months in advance

still owe 250 for bonding out

250+61+50 361 leaves me with 231 for this first month, May

Looking at 5 months if I spend everything I make (which I plan on doing)

---

pay off debt first 250

make first probation and court payment 250+61+50=365

get left with 231 all this goes towards court cost

then it's using all 600 each month to stay 3 months ahead on probation fees

and pay off court costs asap

as soon as I can get 3 months ahead on probation

all the money goes towards court costs until the 1,150 is fully paid off

then stacking all money to go towards probation

---

no buying ANYTHING food drinks ffxi NOTHING

all goes towards what I owe

if I get it all paid off (excluding probation since I can only pay 3 months in advance) in 5 months

when that happens

I can start spending my extra money I cannot put towards probation

on food drinks and ffxi

DONE

 then the guy in the blue would get assault for misuse of force and go to jail and get out on bond then have to do probation

the shirtless guy would get to go free

since the guy in the blue didn't get hit the shirtless guy swing missed

so guy in blue would get fired and be forced to find a new job and not allowed around daycares

feels good to be on probation again

have a meeting tomorrow morning

then my next meeting is on the 30th

i'll start doing community service on the first and second hopefully

3 months 12 weeks 3 days a week and done

I got some heat at work today saying the owner may have to let a few people go because he has too many hired

that would be terrible and of course i'm always the one that gets let go then brought back it's happened like 6 times in 7 years

BUT more importantly

WORLDS in on the 25th 26th 27th and 28th, 4 days this year

I have all my stuff ready and my apartment clean

going to be making a brisket and tacos

wednesday today as I post and starts friday and goes until monday

so awesome !!

 the difference in stance between and hands off security guard and a police officer

one just wants to stay back say the info watch and leave hopefully no one ends up wrong everything ends good

one just keeps pushing and pushing and pushing to make the arrest

you see it on youtube all day long

i've been a security guard for 5 years

I don't know what happens to a person to cause them to be like that

ignore everything keep pushing and pushing

I know the quota but do they get arrested if they don't make enough arrests lol

they just get a new job

how is it so chill they act like that on a stop

I'm as chill as I can possibly be when I have to stop people

I get lied to I get in dangerous situations

I just don't see the switch when a good person becomes a dhead cop

you get cool cops they are out there

but all the ones you see on youtube don't stop until they get what they want

it's a really weird thing they're allowed to do

So it's 61$ a month to probation 

I can pay three months in advance 

I have to take an anger management class

It's one day a week 2 hours long for 12 weeks

I have to pay court costs

It can be as low as 25$ a month

And I got 120 hours of community service 

So that's 3 months going 3 times a week 12 weeks

I can do the community service as quickly as I want

My curfew is 9pm to 6am until I finish the anger management class

I can work nights just straight to work then from work to home 

 if you make a small check but you do work

say 400 a month

you can get on several programs like disability and snap

then you get another 980+140 1120

you also get several other free things you would have to pay tons for like layers and more food

where if you made a lot

the difference in living as comfortably making a small amount requires A LOT more work

basically work 24-7

and making the smaller amount you may only work 2 days a week

if you make enough to pay all your costs by working

you have to work basically 24-7

if you make 20,000 a year or if you make 120,000 a year

it's work 24-7 and if you have a kid it's basically just work kid and sleep no friends

if you do work for all your cost at a lower paying jobs you basically get 100% screwed

if you work at a higher paying job it's even worse until you work 15+ years then once you start making 150,000 160,000 it finally starts paying off

where you basically have to play perfect

and the thing about making a smaller check but getting the same amount of money you have to stay on top of all your paper work

20,000 a year is 1,666 a month

I work 2 days a week get snap and disability and I make 1,520 a month or 18,240 a year

in reality the only way working 24-7 makes a better life than working 2 days a week

is if I do it for 15+ years and reach that 160,000 a year 

the examples i'm thinking of in this scenario:

security at a hotel 2 nights a week

gas station or store 5 or 6 days a week

oil field 14 on 7 off 

it's just so hard to want to work 15+ years 14 on 7 off to have a slightly better life than working 2 days a week

I don't want to not have time to enjoy my alone time or time with my cats

to have more money

that I only get to spend a couple of my days off

and even then it's getting to the point

on the flip side

I have had a lot of money before

and what you get when you have a lot of money is stupid

you see your girls on insta youtube or pinterest

but that's the girls you see for how much money you have right then

if you add a few more zeros to how much money you have

the girls get so much better

I can't imagine if I had as much money as I did at one points, today

when I had all the money in the world

that's when I found Logan

and Logan and I were in love in love talking every single day

I lived on college hills and she was like the bopper on the college campus

it's like we talked 24-7 and she came over to party every single day

I know for a fact if I was pulling in that much now

I could have so many little logans running around

and what they do for you when you have money, I mean real money

is stupid

they get you more girls

you can have entire cheer teams chilling at your house every weekend

they throw themselves at you to learn their name their hobbies what they like what they're buying

I like that I LOVE THAT

it's about the only reason to want so much more money

but can you trade off

working 24-7 for more money for more girls

vs working 2 days a week for decent girls that really give you zero attention and never will give you attention

all those girls you see that are 10/10s and will never give you attention

if you made that 24-7 money they would be begging you to take their number

 unfortunately I probably won't be able to afford a steamdeck

I owe 60$ a month for the service(720$ a year, 1440$ for two years)

then I owe 15$ each test

then I owe court costs(I have no idea what the price is i'll have to ask tomorrow)

my lawyer told me I'll probably get 120 hours and it's pretty difficult to fit all 120 in a 2 year period

doing some simple math

3.5 hours each time

10 times 35

20 times 70

40 times 140

so roughly 35 times for 120

if I go 3 times a week wednesday thursday friday

that's 10.5 a week

it means 120/10.5=11.4 -> 11.5 -> 12

that's 12 weeks with 52 weeks in a year it seems so easy

12 weeks 3 times a week 3.5 hours each time

(3.5*3)12 = 126

so 3 days a week, 12 weeks to accomplish 126 hours

that's 4 weeks a month 12/4=x 3 months

feels too easy, I bet it ends up being more than 120 we'll see

okay 3 months is 4 weeks a month 3 days a week

3 months is 4 8 12

if I get 120 it's so easy

really community service is pretty easy as long as you're willing to work

some days easier than others

don't want to get too far ahead of myself

but right now at 120 i'm looking at 3 days a week for 3 months(12 weeks)

if it's say 300 hours it's going to be a little more than 3 days a week for 6 months(24 weeks)

----------

60$ a month required

870+400 = 1270

1270-600-30-45 = 595

250 debt

next paycheck 595-250 = 345 but most months 595

usually this 595 goes to food drinks and smokes

i'll have to keep buying food drinks and smokes but be more responsible

hot dogs, bread, water flavoring no soda/mexican cokes, I smoke cheap cigs so that's not going to change

60*24 = 1440

595*x=1140  x=2.4

so we're looking at 3 months to finish community service and 3 months to pay all 1440

then from that point I have to pay for the tests the court cost

but once i'm done with community service and the service cost

all I have to do is show up once a month and do home visits

that's it

the quicker I get community service and paid off

the quicker I get to just showing up doing a test here and there

and it's easy after that

no smoking no drinking

very happy to know I can get all the hard stuff done in 3 months

then it's just staying clean and showing up

just got out of court

injury to elderly with bodily intent

I basically beat an 83 year old elderly man to death with my fists

I kept hitting him until he fell unconscious

he had tortured me betrayed me overworked me belittled me since I was single digits years old

it felt better than sex and still does when I think about it

2 years probation no fees no restitution

for the best feeling I can possibly imagine

it brings a smile to my face

9 hours to go then it's the big day

My last day of court

And my first day of probation 

2 years in and I'm back at it

Everyone telling me it's going to be easy this time

No smoking is going to be the hardest part but with cigarettes shouldn't be bad

And I got Salem to take care of me

No drinking is easy

And frequent mushroom trips since that's allowed 

2 years no extra classes 

Just waiting to see how much I have to pay in fees and how much community service 

First day I'm going to ask to get fees lowered since I'm on disability 

And first week im going to knock out more or all my community service for the month

Time goes by so fast

Having to keep up with disability paper work, my job, my bills

I really think if I can stay on top my community service and my fees don't cost too much

I'm very confident in successfully completing this program 

2 years

It's April 2025

I got until April 2027

Maybe if I pay all my fees and I do all my community service I can get off early

I'll have to ask that when I meet my officer 

About to take a long hot shower

Court in the morning

Signing my papers ASAP

I'm excited 

It's like going to grade school again for adults

Kinda scary learning how many hours community service I'm going to get

300 is a lot

160 is still a lot

I had 60 and I had done 50

If it's 60 again that's soo easy 

My fees was 1800

I paid 1500

Basically just wasted money

But if it's around that much again I have no fears

Hopefully being on fixed income they can work something out with me

I know they do that

Time for a long hot shower

Talked to my lawyer 

The prosecutor is not willing to reinstate my pretrial diversion 

She doesn't want to make me do prison time

And they have worked out a two year deferred adjudication 

So what that means for me

No smoking weed

Pay all the fees on time

Do all the community service on time

Basically that's it

I'll have plenty of time to work at my job

Live a normal house life in my apt

And play lots of FFXI

It's a really good deal

My mom was upset the pretrial diversion time basically just gets void and doesn't carry over to anything 

I was very happy at what she got me

I'm excited to do all the work

And get off without a conviction 

By having the case end at a dismissal 

Dude

Every since Logan finished we and got on it

Shes literally completely unrecognizable 

It's like it's a completely different person 

I wonder what really happened 

Shes like slow now and cares so much more about class

Don't get me wrong she's still gorgeous 

But wow a girl with 8,000 videos of her being one way

Then like two years ago by and she's completely unrecognizable 

She was hyper and zany but proper

Now just so proper but not hyper or zany at all in any way

Few things I've noticed about insta girls since I've been on the app

When they get a bf it's like they're hiding their smoking habit something is just off

Then when they start drinking it all goes downhill

They don't really preserve well

Logan is holding on to that last little thread of her childhood

It's like two ticks away from breaking up with Logan

Which means to block and never unblock

I never had more fun with a girl than I did with Logan

It's just so sad to see

From 14 to 21 then it's done

I'll always remember her

I may not even block her when the end comes and just see past it for once

I ❤️ logan

And mushrooms trips once every month to two months lol

Really hating on FFXI rn

Can't stand it lol 

Been playing it 19 years and feel I've played it so much I just don't like it anymore 

Retail or horizon

I thought about playing today but doing nothing sounded better to me

I go through a check system

Do I want to play? No

Then insta Pinterest YouTube Pluto flosports ffxiah upbe4t.com

Then do another check do I want to play? Usually no

Then do all the other stuff again

Eventually I'll take so many days off I'll ask myself 

Do I want to play then I'll say yes

Then ask if doing nothing is better

And if I say no

I'll actually play

That'll be the day hahaha

I'm just worried about a court ordered test

Then getting denied probation because of it

Since I smoked on the 11th

If I can get out of court easy like I have been

I have an entire month to detox

That's not a lot of time but I didn't smoke much

Get my snap that same day so I'll get to stock up on food again

That's something nice

My mom told me she would watch my girls and not to worry about it

I haven't told her I smoked and I don't plan on it lol 

About to take a long shower to help with detox

All I know is lots of fruit and veggies

Lots of water

Big poops

Long showers

 long story short

he wouldn't leave me along

I kept asking to be left alone

he would always have more jobs and make it seem like I owed him

I did the job then asked to be left alone

he always had more jobs

I bought food and cooked for the entire house

I paid bills

I didn't owe him more

we got in a fight

i've since done punishment and still have punishment

I finally get to be alone

I'm going to finish my punishment

then i'm really going to enjoy living alone

that's it

Long text wall post

Just to vent

Read if u want if not it's cool too

So I'm getting ready to go to prison

I could get on probation if I do great I just have to follow all the rules exactly 

If I do go to prison

It's 4 years then a year of re-entering to society in a half way house type house

Also some classes or something 

I'll lose my job my apartment 

My mom will get my apartment clean

Hopefully my mom will take Cali and Salem and take care of them until I get out

Losing my job my SSI my snap and my apartment 

Is all annoying 

But that's what that year after release from prison in the halfway house is for to get all that back

So losing job SSI snap and apartment really isn't that bad

The hardest part is not getting to see Salem for so long

Hopefully we can do video chat and I can see her or get sent pictures 

So basically the only bad thing is I'm going to have to rebuild when I get out and I won't get to see Salem for a very long time

If prison is anything like county

You actually do live a better more entertaining life behind bars than what I go through outside

Food is better and more frequent 

Getting to talk to people your age instead of just cats and coworkers

Getting to make food together and eat like a family

Not verbal arguments and small fights the entire time like at home 

I've said several times county was much better than college hills

The bad parts

It can be very loud so you need earplugs either commissary bought or made

That's pretty easy to do

It's a place where bullies can kinda run free so you can get bullied for food but that's about it and usually it's on the cool and you can always ask for something like phone time

No one wants to get in more trouble

But you can't really snitch or you hit it at the wrong angle 

For 4 years

I don't have to work

I get all my meals

I don't have to worry about anything 

Paying rent

Managing money

It's a really easy trip

Time will wear but you know when you get out then you get plenty of time to rebuild when out

I've lived on my own long enough to know what it's about

If I get probation I just have to do everything in the terms and follow the rules

If I go to prison I just don't get to see Salem as often as I want

I'm still happy I did what I did to get all this happening

I'm happy I hit the old man

Because I actually get to live alone

If I go to prison or get probation that's just a small bump in the road

Basically it's never going to be different living along

And if I go to prison my health will get better from not smoking cigarettes 

It's pretty much a good deal

I can't bond out so I won't be getting driven crazy but people in my cell

I'll just have to ignore it or say something

I'm glad I did what I did

Because at least I got to live on my own for a little bit

the most difficult part of this whole experience

is not getting to smoke thca marijuana

where i'm at with it

I really just want to do whatever that lets me get back to smoking as quickly as possible

10 years probation vs 3 years prison

is a prison guaranteed

I don't really care what happens or what I have to do

I just want to get where I can smoke marijuana peacefully

Happy Easter!

Today is my Cali girl's birthday 

Shes 12 years old

Cali joined our family in 2013

My girlfriend at the time and I were breaking up and I was not confident in finding a new girlfriend 

Cali and about 4 other kittens walked to our front door

I noticed them all when I was leaving the house

When I got back home several hours later it was freezing outside 

And I noticed a little kitten up against the side of a driver side tire to one of our trucks

She didn't run she didn't fight 

This girl wanted a home

All the other kittens had left her

Like they were all coming over to say hi and she was ushered to her new home

She had such a beautiful calico coat still does

And the most beautiful blue eyes

Her name would be Cali

Everyone loves Cali

Shes been my ffxiah avatar she's been my blogger avatar 

She is such a good kitty cat

She loves Salem

She minds

She lets you know she's around in a good way

Now 12 years later she's huge

Even with her giant size she never messes with anyone

Her favorite thing is when it's time to eat

And besides eating it's taking naps

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Upbeat (@upbe4t)

 

The day I brought her inside and today as I post this 

LOVE YOU CALI

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🎂 🎂 

Salem got to go to work with me last night

she worked an entire shift with me during a thunderstorm

I had planned on taking her outside and letting her walk unfortunately it rained the entire time

cleaning apt rn all I have left is dishes and mop

dishes already in sink with soap water

floor is swept so mopping after dishes and done

cheer worlds coming up

I got the dates wrong, thought I wouldn't get my check

but I do get my check so maybe i'll make something nice like a brisket but i'm really feeling sandwiches or hamburgers

injection on monday

court on tuesday it's a pretrial and nothing should happen just gotta go report and leave

owe 250 on my 1500 loan I took out

when I get paid I get like 900$ 600 rent 40 internet 30 phone no ffxi saves 30

then I get another paycheck 200 so I should be able to get that 250 paid off before the end of the month

then I can start saving up for my steamdeck

recently on ffxi I did some tinkering to get ffxi on pc to look like xbox 360 version

it was actually a lot more difficult than I thought

reviewing on 360 videos on my yt channel

the name/hp and the chatlog sit further inside and on pc they are closer to the edge

I tried messing with every setting I could think of and nothing actually makes the log move inward

what I have so far is playing on a 4:3 resolution no plugins/addons and full screen

if the menu resolution caused the things to move in but it doesn't

the font on the 360 was larger than I can make pc have

360 had a really weird way of rendering the screen

I personally played on a widesceen laptop with a vga connection

it's like it has a set resolution and aspect ratio then the xbox would stretch it so it's like 20-30 pixels larger but if i try to do that the game crashes for not being a correct fullscreen resolution

so all in all I tinkered for about 4 or 5 hours and I like the way it looks

i'll post a ss

whelp time to do my dishes before water cools off

I had hotdogs for food today and a pepsi

https://www.ffxiah.com/forum/topic/57114/are-you-playing-in-ffxi-horizon-server/11/ 

Rooks really off or on his rocker for this one

this is the best content ffxiah has had in what feels like 20 years

I read the entire 11 pages planned to necrobump and had a 3+ paragraph post in mind

at least they were talking even if it was bashing and explaining

it's usually so cryptic and obscure baffling unfathomable

it literally feels like you're wasting time just going to the website to begin with before you even do anything in like the first 3 seconds of loading the website

not quite sure how rooks could do it

no reason just closed

this is ffxi being a community keeping it in the thread no inside joke conversations from other thread happening simultaneously

this is probably the first and last good ffxi thread you'll ever seen

I was proud of ffxiah for a few minutes during the read

guess I can make my post here

I play retail and I play horizon

in retail I have everything I want including mlvl 40 bst and r15 guttler

most of my time in retail is crafting which is completely bogged down by slow HQ sells due to everyone already having the gear so it only sells for people lvling alts

and mats being placed on the ah for the last sell price usually it's only one stack and it's several m higher

then you look at the sell history and three have sold for the cheaper price and again one is up and it's several m higher

I haven't liked any of the content since abyssea. delve was impossible for me to get a group dynad is impossible ody aeonics sortie and basically every event since delve has been 100% frustrating

so all I do is craft I like crafting but that's not enough

to pay 33$ a month and use ffxi like a chat with cleverbot

so I switched to horizon

it's free I love the 75 cap I love all the little changes and I haven't got upset one time at a change

getting parties is very fast the entire community is much more mature than they were 19 years ago

they give points to 75s for helping do missions and quests and it's worth it to them

my highest lvl is 31 I have all jobs at 12+

I just started camping spook to make a little gil selling the back piece

it's so much fun

I can guarantee i'm going to enjoy my time playing this

and I haven't even got to the best part

I actually get my ffxi fix

like a junkie trying to get that perfect high then take off for a little bit

I NEVER GET IT WITH RETAIL i'm always still in my spot just standing watching the exact same yells that have been going on for 5 years

you wait 18 hours and may see one ls msg for an exemplar points pt

AND THE LS IS COMPLETELY FULL YOU CAN"T EVEN GET IN SOMETIMES FROM OVERPOPULATION

horizon I can play about 2 3 hours get my fix and take about 2 or 3 DAYS off from ffxi

it's literally exactly what I needed

I'm so happy I gave it a shot

because now i'm not standing watching the ah watching the same yells wanting to ep but not solo for ep so waiting 24+ hours to get in one party then they might want to go 4 5+ hours but I get tired after 2 hours of doing the exact same thing and disband/go to sleep just to wake up and look for another 20 hours to get ONE party if even that to do it all over day after day after day

horizon is so much better than retail right now it's not even a comparison

Y'all remember when people would look up to the sky and be astonished when talking about the cloud

Like it was a server with infinite things to download with literally no location and nearly infinite speed

Way better than the Internet 

But you just need the Internet to connect to it

Google search with ai response

Why can you not smoke while on probation in Texas besides it's the rules

Has Texas ever given a reason why you can't smoke on probation 

Over my years of experience

It's not to make you a better person

It's not to make you unhealthy 

It's not to make it harder

It's not to revoke and send people to prison

It's not because it's just a rule(even though that's what they always go with)

Is it because it would make it too easy it wouldn't count as a punishment

And they're letting you out of trouble by you feeling sick and tired making you miss the fun and obviously be punished in that regard

What's the real reason you can't smoke on probation besides it's the rule and it's a rule to this program

Yes it's a rule and it's something that must be done to complete the program 

But why is it a rule to begin with

What's the reason it's a rule

Not why can it not be done

We get that it's a rule

What's the reason behind the rule

So I know what my designated goal is from this not smoking

I went to college I pay all my bills I work run websites and clean up after myself I take care of my companions my emotional support animals

Yes you can't smoke because it's a rule

Yes it's a rule because it's a rule

Yes thca is legal beer is legal you cannot use them on the program

Yes the reason to not use them is because there's a rule you cannot use them to get off the program 

Yes the reason to not use them is to complete the program

But as a computer programmer 

I want to know what it accomplished to not use them besides all of that

Is it because the probation officer has to be a higher up and smoking allows the person on probation to get higher in an imaginary rank than the officer

Why does it feel like the officer wants to be your in army in military in service higher up then try to kill you like you are a child they are aborting for some sick regime

I always felt like my officer was crushing me

Then I'd smoke and get worried they could hear me then I felt weightless and 100% free finally not being crushed

Is it because you miss fun so the punishment of the program can be rewarded by getting out of trouble

What's the real reason for the rule

Obviously the officer doesn't make the rules they enforce them

So I'm hopefully only completing the program once

I don't want to do all the work to get it allowed for everyone that's too much work

Who is above the officer that makes the rules to the program 

How often are the rules to the program discussed and where does that take place

Is there any exclusions to the rules

I got in trouble for subject a 

I keep getting in trouble for subject b and that has nothing to do with subject a

It's just dragging the entire process out longer

How you can first get in trouble for fighting

Then keep getting in trouble for smoking on programs

Why are they making things up

I'm not fighting I'm smoking

Why is it my fighting keeps getting prolonged by my smoking 

How does that work

If you do a crime

Then you keep getting back in trouble for something that has nothing to do with the crime

Because it's a rule the officer has to enforce

From some body no one can make contact with

I don't even know wtf is wrong with me at this point

I don't even know what I did wrong

I never believed the who hit them first idea

Being the end all be all to a fight and self defense 

I don't even believe the 

If it's a law and you didn't know you still get the full punishment 

In a real caring court system

If you didn't know you get forgiveness 

If it wasn't that bad to get to go and you get forgiveness 

Now you know if you do it again serious punishment 

You can't punish someone for something they don't know

Thata not right in any fathomable way

You the court the judge the state the police officers all would give forgiveness 

Then you inform them

Then if they repeat

They now know and they do get the punishment 

the usual scenario is sad all they want to do is end the conversation

why can't you smoke

it's a rule

what good or bad does the rule do

I don't make the rules

why is it a rule

again I don't make the rules

you got a dirty test

i'm not on my injection yet i'm self medicating

can't do that it's the rule to this program

can I if I have a mental illness

no

why is not smoking a rule if my crime wasn't drug related

it's a rule to this program

is there any way to get around that

not for this program

if you smoke you'll get removed from the program

why can't you smoke

you'll get removed from the program

why can't you smoke

it's a rule

what good or bad does the rule do

i don't make the rules

why can't you smoke

it's a rule

what good or bad does the rule do

i don't make the rules

i know, what is the cause effect not smoking does for this program

...

what is the reason not smoking is a rule

...

WHAT AM I DOING BY NOT SMOKING THAT ALLOWS ME TO FINISH THIS PROGRAM
it's a rule to complete the program. if you need to smoke. call someone like mhmr for help

great so I went from if the old man starts to fight to call 911 and walk away

to: if the officer starts crushing me from being the highest thing in existence not using any drugs and I feel like a child the officer is trying to abort then a failed abortion because I made it: call 911 and walk away

even though I can't walk away from something like that, it's not even a physical problem it's all mind games